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The Kardashians are going to get their hands dirty on HGTV |
| May 24th, 2021 under Gwyneth Paltrow, HGTV, Howie Mandel, Josh Groban, Kevin Hart, LeAnn Rimes, The Kardashians. [ Comments: none ]
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|  HGTV Celebrity IOU is returning to HGTV on June 21st, and it is going to be another star-studded season. Several celebrities are going to join Drew and Johnathan Scott to renovate the home of someone they care about.
The celebs appearing on the show this season are Kris Jenner, Kim Kardashian West and Kendall Jenner, LeAnne Rhimes, Kevin Hart, Gwyneth Paltrow, Darren Criss, Josh Groban, Ali Wong, and Howie Mandel.
“Drew and I continue to be humbled by how many of these huge celebrities entrust us to be a part of their personal acts of kindness,” said Jonathan. “They can’t wait to roll up their sleeves and make these new spaces a reality as quickly as possible. The projects—and the fun—just keep getting bigger.”
“Each new story of thanks and appreciation makes such a huge impression on us,” said Drew. “That’s the magic of Celebrity IOU. We all want to give back to the people we love, and seeing others do just that brings out all the good emotions.”
Most people are going to tune for the emotions. Not me. I am going to watch it to see them suffer as they try to use tools to renovate the houses.
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Gwyneth Paltrow is so funny |
| April 29th, 2021 under Gwyneth Paltrow, Sex Toys. [ Comments: none ]
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Gwyneth Paltrow thinks she is funny. She is probably the only person who thinks that.
Here she is trying to sell her double-sided vibrator that is available on Goop. She says to the guy, “Are you really going to stick that vibrator in my face for the rest of the…” He interrupts her to say, “It’s a vibrator?” Isn’t that hilarious? I can’t stop laughing.
What she should have said, is “I know you don’t use vibrators, but you are aiming for the wrong hole.” Or “Are you going to hold my vibrator like that because I just used it, and it smells like my candle?” Or “What do you think of my little toy, just like Double Mint gum? It’s double the pleasure, double the fun.” Or, “What do you think of my double-sided wand? It does magical things in my vagina.”
Now you go and show her what funny is?
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Is Gwyneth Paltrow really 48? |
| September 27th, 2020 under Are they really their age?, Gwyneth Paltrow. [ Comments: none ]
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It is Gwyneth Paltrow’s 48th birthday, so she celebrated by wearing just her birthday suit. Which makes you wonder if she is really two years away from turning the big 5-0 because the mom of two doesn’t look like anywhere close to that age.
I would ask what’s her secret, but I am sure she will say it is something really expensive from GOOP.
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Do you want to smell Gwyneth Paltrow’s orgasm? |
| June 17th, 2020 under Gwyneth Paltrow, Jimmy Fallon. [ Comments: none ]
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Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow sold a candle called This Candle Smells Like My Vagina? Well, yesterday she told Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show she has a new one out.
What is it? It is This Candle Smells Like My Orgasm. Maybe when she was having sex with Brad Pitt, we would have wanted to know what it smelled like. However, after years of doing it with the lead singer of Coldplay (is that like boring four play) and Ryan Murphy’s #2, I don’t want to know what it smells like.
Do you want to know what scent you will be inhaling? According to GOOP, it wreaks of “tart grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose absolutes.” The site says it’s a “scent that’s sexy, surprising, and wildly addictive.” It did not give my nose a rise.
On that note, what is the next candle going to be called, This Candle Smells Like My Penis? It will have the aroma of seductive musk with hints of fromunder cheese, Callery Pear, and Vaseline® hand lotion blended in beer and scotch.
In the words of KC and the Sunshine Band, “Baby, give it up. Give it up. Baby, Give it up!”
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Contagion prepared Gwyneth Paltrow for the Coronavirus |
| February 26th, 2020 under Coronavirus, Gwyneth Paltrow. [ Comments: none ]
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| https://www.instagram.com/p/B9BxGPqFfpw/
Back in 2011, Gwyneth Paltrow starred in a movie called Contagion, where she unintentionally spread a deadly plague around the World. That was then, and this is now.
Anyways, working on a movie about an international pandemic has prepared her for one. The actress is traveling to Paris, and she does not want to get the Coronavirus and be a carrier. Therefore, she is wearing a mask on the plane, so no one will blame her for eating a contaminated animal and wiping out most of the population, again.
BTW That mask she is wearing is on sale at goop for $75; they are called Smells Like My Bad Breath.
That is a lie, here is a true story. I once flew back and forth to NYC with bronchitis, which I did not know at the time. Well, I was coughing up a storm, and guess what the movie was playing on the back of our seats? Contagion. I swear. I did not think I was going to make it off of that airplane alive. I knew exactly who was watching the film because they were the ones giving me the looks that could kill.
Oh, and yes, I watched the movie both ways because sometimes I can be a masochist. Even though I watched it, I believe that movies like that should not be shown on planes for the safety of their passengers like me.
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