https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1A8hJFCY8c
Yesterday in a tweet, Donald Trump was happy that John Kelly fired “that dog” Omarosa. It was not the first time he used that phrase, so Seth Meyers wanted to see what it was like when you fire an actual dog.
The Late Night host brought out one of the cutest dogs to give so that he could put out her out to pasture. Which turns out was the right thing to do because Daphne did not do anything of the things she was supposed to do. She did not stay on her mark. She did not stay still. She did not jump on the chair when he told her to do it. However, none of it was her fault. I mean her name is Daphne and he kept calling her Kevin. I would anything the NBC host told me to do either.
Who is the bitch now, Seth Meyers?
When it comes to the segment, I really hope it becomes a regular one because it was the best thing to happen to late night TV all year. How many times did you feel bad for our furry little friend? Meyers was just arful to fire her. He should have known better because after all, they say never work with babies and animals.
Back when Tom Cruise was having his jumping on couches stage, he met with Seth Rogen to help repair his image. Instead, Rogen taught Cruise something he had no idea about. That thing is internet p0rn. That’s right, he did not know that is what the internet is for.
What happened after that, we are only left to imagine. Probably, the same thing we all did when we were left alone with a computer for the first time! Spent the whole time watching the good stuff.
That was only one of the stories that Rogen told Seth Meyers about the Top Gun on Late Night yesterday. As the actor was driving to meet Cruise, he really had to pee. He did not want to rush into the house and be like, ‘Dude where is the little boy’s room?’ Thus, as he was driving up the long windy driveway, he made a pit stop and peed in a Snapple bottle. Since I am a woman, I thought it would be an easy thing for a man to do, but apparently, it is not. Rogen had to position himself in a way to get it all in the bottle. Therefore, Rogen is assuming that Cruise has a video of him urinating in a bottle.
Which makes you think that Cruise does not get what internet p0rn is all about. Well besides that, it is also for putting up videos like that for the rest of the world to see. Or at least people like us who would totally check it out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnStBt-rKi4
Honeymoons are supposed to be memorable, but for Hugh Grant and his wife, it was memorable for a different reason. Mr. and Mrs. Grant went to Paris and took a taxi ride. The actor told Seth Meyers on Late Night yesterday that he realized he did not have any cash on him, so he asked the driver if his credit card machine worked. The driver told him, “oui, oui.” But when it was time to pay, it did not. Therefore, the cab driver took him to the bank and that ATM machine did not work either. Thus, Grant told his wife to get out of the taxi because they were not going to pay the 6 euros since they did not have any paper money on them. As soon as the driver heard that, he drove away with Anna Eberstein still inside the vehicle.
Something she is still mad at her husband about. Not only because he did not stop it, but because he did not even run after the car. He says that it was because it was going 50 miles an hour and he would never be able to catch up. Which is true, but she bore three of his children, he should have at least tried to catch up.
Anyways, if they get a divorce, then she can use this example to get all of his money and then some! Don’t you agree?
Plus, didn’t he learn anything from Four Weddings and a Funeral, the movie that made him an international star in 1994? If he did not run after Andie McDowell, then they never would have hooked up and the movie would not have been the success that it still is to this very day.
Yesterday, it was once again time for Jokes Seth Meyers Can’t Tell with a special guest star. Hot off her White House Correspondents Dinner, it was Michelle Wolf. Both Meyers and Wolf are known for pissing off Donald Trump at WHCD, so who else can they upset by telling jokes that should not be told on TV. Hopefully, no one because they are funny.
For example, Jenny Hagel said that potato chips in London are called lesbians because you cannot eat just one. On that note, Amber Ruffin dissed Kanye West by saying he would say, “‘Can I hold it?'” about Trump’s little Cheeto. Now it was time for Michelle Wolf to chime in and she explained that women shop on Amazon more than men because they are used to waiting 2 days to come.
Finally, it was the Late Night host’s turn and there is a reason why he cannot tell certain jokes. This one is the perfect example and that is why I love him.
It was almost two years ago to the day that Seth Meyers welcomed his first son. It is not a normal birthing story. It was Easter Sunday and their baby was ready to hatch. The Late Night host called Uber and his wife barely made it to the hospital in time. When they got there, just in the nick of time, the doctors and nurses were wearing bunny suits. The first thing Ashe saw, very shortly after they arrived, were bunny ears.
Crazy story, right? That was a cakewalk as compared to what happened on Sunday, a week after Easter. Meyers and his wife Alexi Ashe were having a normal day. They went to brunch and then to the park with their 2-year-old and his wife knew it was time. They thought they had time. They went back to the house, she lied down and Meyers fed their son.
Twenty minutes later, his mother-in-law came down in a panic and said let’s go. He called the Uber (since it worked so well the first time) and went downstairs to meet him. Once they hit the lobby, his wife said she cannot make it to the car because the baby was coming. As Meyers, his mother-in-law and the Douala were trying to calm her down, Alexi lied down on the floor.
It was then that Meyers saw his son’s head peeking out. He called 911 and within a minute it went from I am having a baby to I had a baby. Who else sees this as a storyline on Ryan Murphy’s show next season? Anyways, within minutes, NYPD and FDNY showed up and helped them with the final preparation to get to the hospital. Since the hard job was already done.
Back to the lobby, aren’t you wondering how the neighbors are feeling about this? After all, this is NYC and us NYers have a reputation. The doorman blocked them from coming in, but that did not stop them from giving the new parents blankets and warming their towels in the dryer for them. Which is really sweet considering they have only been living there for less than 6 months.
What about the Uber driver? The bastard actually charged them. Too bad it was the not guy from the first go around because he would have probably come in and cut the cord for free.
When it comes to their second son, they named him Axel after the firemen. He jokes that was a name he had already chosen. His middle name, Strahl, is after his wife’s mother’s parents who met the day after they were freed from a Holocaust camp, He never met her grandparents.
When it comes to Meyers, since both kids were born around Easter, we know when he and his wife are having sex! Oh and FYI each labor gets shorter, so he better learn how to birth a baby!
Congrats to Meyers family! Can’t wait to hear the crazy story about how their third child comes into the world.
