Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Are you sick of spending lots of money at adult toy shops? Well, you can save some bones if you do your shopping at a pet store.

What? Sarahbartell showed us how you can get the same toys in the dog toy section that you get in the dildo one for a fraction of the price. Who knew?

Maybe they should move those toys to the cat section because they also make a pussy happy.

Oh, and pet stores don’t only sell dildos. They also have ropes to tie you up, butt plugs, whips, vibrating collars, lube, and cock rings. It has everything!

I really hope Chewy doesn’t judge me for my recent order. I can’t be the only one who wants to make her pussy purr!

Have you ever wanted to ride the same dick as Ariana Grande, Kate Beckinsale, Phoebe Dynevor, and possibly Kim Kardashian? Then your wish can come true, thanks to CamSoda. That is because they made a dildo full of tattoos in honor of Pete Davidson.

Not only is it inked like him, but it can be synched to gyrate during his appearances on Saturday Night Live. Thanks to Teledildonics technology, you can SNL & Thrill. It’s the only way to get you excited for an episode of the variety show.

If they really wanted to sell out of Teledidonics dildos, then they should create one for Sam Heughan and have it go off during his Outlander scenes. There wouldn’t be a battery left in any store if they did.

Wood Rocket

We know that men have those naughty pinup wall calendars that give them new spank material every month of the year. But, us ladies do not have one.

Well, that should be past tense because Wood Rocket is giving us one with Nice Dicks for 2022.

Now, I know what I am giving my girl friends for the holidays because they all need one of those!

Oh, and if anyone wants to buy me one, I would greatly appreciate it.

Yesterday when Jeff Bezos flew up into space with his rocketship, people couldn’t help but to notice how phallic it looked.

As soon as CamSoda saw it, a lightbulb went off in their heads. They said let’s make dildos in the shape of Elon Musk, Richard Branson, and Bezos’ penis substitutes and call the line Billionaire Space Race. You know, because we like to cum into money. An old joke that still works.

“Right now billionaires are getting off by going to space in their rockets. With our line of Billionaire Flesh Rockets, people who can’t afford a ticket aboard the VSS Unity, Blue Origin or Elon’s SpaceX rocket can get off in a different way and penetrate the o-zone,” said CamSoda VP Daryn Parker. “Go boldly into where no one’s gone before, explore Uranus and maybe even have a close encounter of the pantless kind. Screw being pluton-ic! Grab your Billionaire Flesh Rocket today.”

The three sex toys are being rushed into production and will be available for pre-sale soon.

Which one do you want to take for a ride? I am going with the biggest figurative dick of the three and choosing the Blue Orgasm. Then again, Space Sex should be able to drive itself. However, sometimes we all need a Virgin…

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Gwyneth Paltrow thinks she is funny. She is probably the only person who thinks that.

Here she is trying to sell her double-sided vibrator that is available on Goop. She says to the guy, “Are you really going to stick that vibrator in my face for the rest of the…” He interrupts her to say, “It’s a vibrator?” Isn’t that hilarious? I can’t stop laughing.

What she should have said, is “I know you don’t use vibrators, but you are aiming for the wrong hole.” Or “Are you going to hold my vibrator like that because I just used it, and it smells like my candle?” Or “What do you think of my little toy, just like Double Mint gum? It’s double the pleasure, double the fun.” Or, “What do you think of my double-sided wand? It does magical things in my vagina.”

Now you go and show her what funny is?

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