Yesterday when Jeff Bezos flew up into space with his rocketship, people couldn’t help but to notice how phallic it looked.
As soon as CamSoda saw it, a lightbulb went off in their heads. They said let’s make dildos in the shape of Elon Musk, Richard Branson, and Bezos’ penis substitutes and call the line Billionaire Space Race. You know, because we like to cum into money. An old joke that still works.
“Right now billionaires are getting off by going to space in their rockets. With our line of Billionaire Flesh Rockets, people who can’t afford a ticket aboard the VSS Unity, Blue Origin or Elon’s SpaceX rocket can get off in a different way and penetrate the o-zone,” said CamSoda VP Daryn Parker. “Go boldly into where no one’s gone before, explore Uranus and maybe even have a close encounter of the pantless kind. Screw being pluton-ic! Grab your Billionaire Flesh Rocket today.”
The three sex toys are being rushed into production and will be available for pre-sale soon.
Which one do you want to take for a ride? I am going with the biggest figurative dick of the three and choosing the Blue Orgasm. Then again, Space Sex should be able to drive itself. However, sometimes we all need a Virgin…
Gwyneth Paltrow thinks she is funny. She is probably the only person who thinks that.
Here she is trying to sell her double-sided vibrator that is available on Goop. She says to the guy, “Are you really going to stick that vibrator in my face for the rest of the…” He interrupts her to say, “It’s a vibrator?” Isn’t that hilarious? I can’t stop laughing.
What she should have said, is “I know you don’t use vibrators, but you are aiming for the wrong hole.” Or “Are you going to hold my vibrator like that because I just used it, and it smells like my candle?” Or “What do you think of my little toy, just like Double Mint gum? It’s double the pleasure, double the fun.” Or, “What do you think of my double-sided wand? It does magical things in my vagina.”
Back in April, an orthodox married man I know told me he bought a Fleshlight to get through the coronavirus pandemic. He is not alone. A lot of people have been doing the same. More than normal amount of people who usually buy them. Therefore, it makes sense that the ladies from The Real talked about their recent purchases like The Switch.
Ever since the lockdown happened, Jeannie Mai has been living with her mom and fiance’ Jeezy in the same small house. That makes things a little difficult for the newly betrothed couple. They have to hide their rabbits and such from Mama Mai. However, she keeps finding them, and they have to come up with new excuses for what the toys are that she finds.
Personally, I think they should tell her about some of the contraptions they have. Maybe she will want to own one of them so that she can play with it when they are playing with theirs. Although, no child wants to have that discussion with their mom! No matter how open their relationship is with each other.
Have you ever had the sex toy talk with your mom? I haven’t, but I did have the condom talk with my dad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh1hvoZdUgk
Those of us who are sensible and care about others are staying home during the Coronavirus crisis. Some of us are there all by ourselves with no one to do, I mean nothing to do. Well, PornHub solved both of those problems. They are letting everyone in the World watch their premium videos for free for 30 days.
This way we won’t have to worry about touching our faces because you will be touching something else. However, men will have to worry about not touching their heads so much for the next month.
Besides bringing pleasure to the whole world, they are also helping others out.
15,000 surgical masks to protect first responders from the Local 2507 of New York City, which represents emergency medical technicians (EMTs), paramedics and fire inspectors of the Fire Department of the City of New York (FDNY).
15,000 surgical masks to the Uniformed Firefighters Association (UFA) Local 94 of New York City to protect first responders.
20,000 surgical masks to Mount Sinai South Nassau to bolster the safety of nurses, physicians and support staff caring for Coronavirus patients.
€50,000 to various European organizations to purchase additional masks and medical equipment, including Dein Quarantäne Engel / Deutsches Rotes Kreuz in Germany, Croce Verde di Vicenza in Italy, España vs Coronavirus. Mascarillas AQUÍ AHORA and Material Sanitario para Hospitales Públicos ESPAÑA in Spain.
$25,000 to Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP), contributing directly to sex worker relief funds in the SWOP-USA network to meet immediate requests for support from sex workers impacted by COVID-19.
Amazing that the entertainment and porn industries are stepping up and giving masks while the government is not.
For some reason, strips clubs are not an essential business. That means they are shut down, and no one at the clubs is making any money.
Well, everyone but Shon Boulden’s staff at Lucky Devil Lounge in Portland, Or. That is because he came up with an innovative way to get the girls to cum to you with Boober Eats. Think Uber Eats with boobs.
Boulden told The Oregonian the idea started off as a joke, but now it is a serious business. The security workers are the drivers are delivering the food, the bartenders are answering the phones, and the cooks are cooking.
How much does this cost? Regular price for the food and $30 for delivery. Do they get to touch the girls for that price? They still can’t do that, which is a good thing the security guards are also drivers.
How well is the business doing? They are closed until Thursday because they need to restock.
If Boulden was smart, he should make this go national. However, don’t expect this to last past the Coronavirus crisis. The girls went from making hundreds a night to minimum wage. Anything is better than nothing.
