Remember when Samuel L. Jackson read “Go the F*ck to Sleep”? Well, Jimmy Kimmel asked the legendary bad a$$ to read an updated version of the book called “Stay the F*ck at Home.”
When it aired on ABC the other night, there were a lot of words that were bleeped out, for some reason. Today, Jackson released the uncensored version and it is so much f*cking better. Then again, the actor could read bleep 100 times, and it would still be the best audiobook on the market. However, all of his audiobooks are better when they are filled with four-letter words because he is Hollywood’s biggest MoFo.
While, he can say all of the words I grew up saying, I cannot use them on here. F@ck, sh!t. I will just stay the f*ck at home and think about that.
Both Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon’s shows are on hiatus for the foreseeable future because of the Coronavirus. Since we all need to laugh, both late night show hosts did monologues from their homes.
Much to the displeasure of their wives. Kimmel’s wife, Molly McNearney, wrote, “Can someone please get this man out of my house?”
While Kimmel was able to do it kid-free because he was hiding from them, Fallon was not. His daughters were not happy that they were not getting the attention they deserve. Parents can relate to both of their situations.
While viewers can relate to the jokes that they were telling. Funny how much both monologues have in common. I wonder if they compared notes.
Both men promised to do this every night that their shows are off the air. Something we all need, and I am grateful they are bringing some much-needed joy into our world.
Conan O’Brien has been taping bits from his kitchen.
Now, can someone tell Seth Meyers he has to do it too?
Hey Pete Buttigieg, now that the Democratic party forced you to drop out of the presidential race, what are you going to do with your free time?
Mayor Pete told Today today that he will be hosting Jimmy Kimmel Live on Thursday night at 11:35p on ABC. He is even going to do the monologue, but he says, “Hopefully, some funnier minds than mine will be doing some writing for that.”
Who will be his guests for the night? He will be talking to Sir Patrick Stewart and Animal Trainer Dave Salmoni. It is going to be interesting to see how the war vet handles some cute little animals. Then again, he survived all of the Democratic debates, so he should be used to dealing with snakes.
Where is Kimmel going to be? He will be taping special episodes of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire for the 20th anniversary.
Kimmel better hope that Mayor Pete doesn’t do too good or those special episodes might become a permanent thing. I think we can all admit, Butt-edge-edge is just so gosh darn cute, and I think he will knock out of the park unless Joe Biden forces him out of another job. I am not bitter or anything.
— Jimmy Kimmel Live (@JimmyKimmelLive) March 6, 2020
You know how television hosts prank fans of celebrities by telling them to record a video for their idol, and then have that star walkout and surprise them? It is so common that their admirers just expect it now.
Well, Jimmy Kimmel and Eric Andre one-upped the prank game. They asked some members of the Beyhive to record a message for their Queen. As they were looking into the camera, Andre, who was dressed as Bey, tapped their shoulders and put his hands over his face. The fans thought it was her until his big reveal. Then their tears of joy turned to those of laughter.
I just want to know, how did none of them realize that Beyoncé had a bulge? I mean when did she grow a d!ck?
When it comes to Andre in drag, he looks like a mix of Teresa Giudice and Lisa Rinna. Andy Cohen should add him to a Real Housewives and see how long it takes them realize she is a he?
Gwyneth Paltrow’s This Smells Like My Vagina candle is a better talking point than any movie she has made. Therefore, when she was on Jimmy Kimmel Live yesterday, he had to have a sniff of her vagina. What does he think it smells like? The ABC late night host says, “It smells a little bit masculine, really. Like it has, kind of, woody, like, I don’t know.” Well, you wanted to know, now you do.
Don’t believe she smells more like a he. Then, you can pay $75 to get a whiff. It is finally back in stock at goop after selling out. The rumor is that Elton John bought over 100. Who knew he was so into the smell of vaginas?
