Things got downright catty at 394th District Court of Texas today.
County attorney Rod Ponton sat at his secretary’s computer to use her Zoom for proceedings with Judge Roy Ferguson. However, there was a filer on her Zoom that made him look like a big-eyed white cat.
The 69-year-old lawyer did not know how to remove it, so he reassured the judge that, “I’m here live. I am not a cat.”
Even though he was willing to move forward as is, the judge was not. Therefore Ferguson told him how to remove the filter.
How did the judge feel about it all? He told Reuters it was a “fun moment.” Then he added, “Everyone involved handled it with dignity, and the filtered lawyer showed incredible grace.”
Personally, I think from now; all virtual proceedings should be done with filters. It would definitely make watching them more fun.
Just in case you didn’t hear, Trump’s cult 45 followers stormed Capitol Hill yesterday. One of the traitors was dressed in a Viking like outfit with horns attached to his animal fur hat. Some people thought maybe he was Jay Kay, the lead singer of Jamiroquai. It is not him.
Therefore, the singer took to Twitter to let us know he was not there. “Good morning, World. Now, some of you may be thinking you saw me in Washington last night, but I am afraid I wasn’t with those freaks,” he said.
Kay is on the other side of the pond in England in lockdown. Thus, it would be virtual insanity to think he could be two continents at once.
Back when I was an intern, we worked on a celebrity golf show. It was my job to log the video. I started laughing uncontrollably when I saw one of the golfers (one of my teen idols) peeing into a hedge. That is when my bosses explained to me that it was part of the game because it takes too long to get to a bathroom and back.
Not all men want their dick on a bush. Sorry, my mind went somewhere else. Back to the story. A urologist came up with UroClub. It is a stick that looks like a golf club, but really it is a portable urinal. Men stick their golf clubs into the hole in one and answer nature’s call. This way, none of their buddies have any idea what they are doing behind that green towel.
I just hope he screws the lid on tightly. If not, then the caddy will be screwed and wet.
Is just me, or does that hole seem a little narrow for some men? I guess it is not one size fits all.
Oh, and since I believe that I shouldn’t suffer alone. Just imagine Donald Trump using that on the fairway? Hey, I pictured it, and now I am sharing that image with you.
As a compromise, I let you know about the pee-rfect gift for all the golfers in your life. Even if they don’t like it, for $25, it is the pee-rfct gag gift.
I have a face mask addiction. I want them all. I go into stores, and I have to call a sponsor, so I don’t buy my fifth pig nose mask. Yes, I have a problem.
That was then. I have finally found one that I would not wear. Billy Balls Bags has expanded his fake testicle accessory business. Now he is selling a mouth covering that is shaped like a man’s cajones. I am used to having my lips on the other side of the sack. Therefore, I don’t want the be on the inside of one.
While that is how I feel about myself, it didn’t stop me from being ballsy enough to order a few for my friends and family. Gotta hit them where it hurts!
Even though I won’t wear the mask, that didn’t stop me from ordering the Ballbag Coin Purse & Testicle Sack. I want my man to know his balls are mine. One squeeze and he will give me all of the money I want!
Oh, and my friend Holly, who found this mask, and I wondered if they made one shaped like a vajayjay. Wouldn’t it be funny if it had a hole for a straw? Imagine what that would look like if you drank with it on?
Archie McPhee has a lot of interesting flavored candies, to put it nicely. They have candy canes that taste like pizza, kale, clam, ham, pickle, bacon, and mac & cheese. Now, they are adding three new flavors into the mix.
Would you suck on a stick that tastes like pho, ketchup, or shitake mushroom? As grossed out as I am, I would try them all. You never know if something is good or bad until you try it.
