Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Jimmy Kimmel is taking a months-long break, and donald trump has nothing to do with it this time.

While he is off, his archnemesis, Matt Damon, has a low-budget film coming out next month, and the Oscar winner wanted to promote The Odyssey on Jimmy Kimmel Live before Kimmel went fishing.

So, Matt Damon showed up in a wooden Trojan Horse and made sure that the host made time for him. And Kimmel had no choice but to accept his gift and have the actor on his show, much like the plot of the film.

Did Damon sign on to the epic film just so that he could recreate that moment? Of course not. Instead, he said, “I did the movie, so I could say that, ‘The horse is a Trojan, which is something your dad should have used on his little wiener, instead of having you.'”

Kimmel then defended the size of his dad’s penis, only to have Damon respond with, “Your mom said mine’s bigger.”

And with that, it was time for the two of them to settle it once and for all. How? By having a sword fight with pool noodles.

Who was victorious at the end of the battle? Jimmy Kimmel’s mom because she’s fucking Matt Damon!!!

The Odyssey swims into theaters on July 17th!

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We are three months away from the start of Dancing with the Stars, and we already know who three of the dancers are. They are The Traitors’ Maura Higgins, Ciara Miller, and Savannah Bananas’ Jackson Olson.

Today, we found out who the fourth contestant will be. And it is Guillermo from Jimmy Kimmel Live. Jimmy Kimmel made the announcement tonight on the show.

I love him, but I feel bad for him. Why? Because he is just so gosh darn lovable that they won’t vote him out, even if he wants them to, because he will be hurting.

Having said that, he has my vote.

When South Park returned for season 27, they showed a naked donald trump, including his penis. That penis was not CGI, and I know that because yesterday on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Trey Parker brought it with him. That is right. We got to see trump’s stump in real life. And the creators were generous.

That was not the only secret that Parker and Matt Stone shared about the animated show. Why did they make j.d. vance Tattoo from Fantasy Island? It is because they feel like mar-a-lago is like Fantasy Island. It was supposed to be a one-off joke. But everyone loved it so much that it stuck and will be around from now on.

It sounds like he will be back when South Park returns to Comedy Central for season 29 on September 16th, with additional episodes on September 30th, October 14th, October 28th, November 11th, and November 25th. I hope this Summer flies by so we can get new episodes. And beat the heat.

Goldie Hawn won her first Oscar in 1970 for her big screen debut in 1969’s Cactus Flower. However, she was able to go to the ceremony. In fact, she told Jimmy Kimmel yesterday that she was sleeping when it happened and didn’t know she had won until she got a call from a publicist.

What??? The 2-time Oscar winner was in London filming There’s a Girl in My Soup, and back then, studios didn’t fly actors to Hollywood if they were nominated for an Academy Award.

Even though it has been 56 years since that fateful night, she had not seen that moment that cemented her acting career. She told Kimmel that, so he sent her the clip of Fred Astaire reading her name when she won Best Supporting Actress.

Yesterday, she shared with the host that Astaire was her idol, and that she had no idea until she watched it that he said her name during the telecast. And that made her cry.

While she didn’t know the legendary actor said her name, she revealed that he sent her a telegram congratulating her on her win. How amazing is that?

How amazing is all of that? It is like he won the Oscar three times. What was the second time? In 1981, she won Best Actress for the 1980 film Private Benjamin.

To see Raquel Welch, whom she didn’t know, accept her statuette in 1970, then click here!

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is on Sunday, and for the first time in his presidency, donald trump is going to attend.

However, since he has balls smaller than the raccoon who robert f.kennedy cut the penis off, he will be leaving before he can be roasted.

Well, Jimmy Kimmel feels that he should hear what he is missing. Therefore, yesterday, for almost nine minutes, the host didn’t hold back as he went off on potus and the administration, as if he were the Master of Ceremonies. It is so brutal, I can feel their pain. And it felt so good!

I hope they can top it at the real event. Because all those reverse bullies need to have their feelings hurt on camera in front of the press so they can write about it, and we can read about it!!! That, and watch it over and over again.

Seriously, if you need a good laugh, hit play!!!

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