Donald Trump thinks that he is the program director for Paramount’s networks, like CBS, where he most likely got Stephen Colbert cancelled, and Comedy Central. However, South Park and now The Daily Show are showing him that he is not.
South Park continues to show his micro-penis and humiliate him in every episode. And now comes news that is going to cause potus to throw ketchup at the walls in the fool’s gold-covered Oval Office.
What is it? Jon Stewart has renewed his contract with The Daily Show for another year. Therefore, we will see him every Monday through 2026, according to Late Nighter.
I am sure David Ellison is going to get an earful about this, and I am OK with that! Because the head of Paramout has to remember that he is a lot richer than Trump, and there is not that much that the Orange one can do to hurt him. Plus, the merger already went through, so there is no more leverage that Trump has.
Before I start the story, I just had an epiphany. I love to psycho analyze people. And I have finally figured out something new about trump. He is the type of kid who was rightfully bullied because he was a dick. So, after school, he would run home to his look-alike mommy and cry about how much all the kids were mean to him. Then she would call the school, their parents, or both. And then those kids would hate him even more. He didn’t have any real friends. He only had the ones that his parents bought for him.
Even though it is over 70 years later, he still acts like that kid who wants to be liked. And in those 70 years, he still has not figured out that you have to be likable to be liked.
That brings me to present day. He feels that the late night hosts are being mean to him. He can’t run home to mommy (because she is dead), so instead, he goes to the FCC and has them go after the hosts.
And that is why that FCC guy, who also had no friends, was threatening the broadcast channels to fire Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers.
And it worked because ABC was forced to pull Jimmy Kimmel Live on Wednesday, when Nexstar and Sinclair wanted something out of trump’s mom, I mean, the FCC.
And since the four shows are sick of this bullshit, they decided to make a mockery of trump that is worse than anything they have ever done before. Because if you come for one of them, you have come for all of them. And they are also smarter than trump because he doesn’t get sarcasm and humor. Shhh! Don’t tell him or his paid friends that. It is our dirty little secret.
And one more thing. What trump and his paid friends who use him have not figured out is that you can get them fired from broadcast, where they have some constraints in the classroom. But the second they are free on the courtyard, they can do whatever they want. And they will.
Please understand, I HATE bullies. I take them down. It is so much fun. So don’t be a trump, be a late night host.
Last week on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart was going off on a DOGE tirade, and he smashed his ceramic coffee cup on the desk. What happens when you smash glass on a desk? It smashes into a lot of pieces. That is what happened, and the host cut his hand. He really did a number on his fingers that he had to hide his bloodied hand under the desk for the rest of the segment.
Due to his on-air injury, his bosses at Paramount and Viacom met this week and said he is no longer allowed to have ceramic when he is recording the show. Therefore, yesterday, he debuted his plastic sippy cup. There is no way he can cut himself with that thing.
Talking about sippy cups, I hope he has one for Elon Musk when the big baby appears on his program. That is if Musk is man enough to accept Stewart’s offer. And we know that the man who is ruining this country never backs down from a fight, just like when he fought Mark Zuckerberg in a cage match. Whoops, that never happened because he wimped out.
Amazing how tough people like him sound behind a computer. In person, they are cowards who are easily scared.
Jon Stewart was hosting The Daily Show yesterday, and he decided to bring out some props like a lamp, a green visor, an accounting machine, and a mug that says World’s Worst Dad. What could go wrong?
Well… The anchor got so mad talking about the greed of pharmaceutical companies that he smashed the cup on the table, and it shattered. That caused him to cut his hand badly. So he hid it under the desk and continued on with the show for another almost five minutes. However, he did tell the audience he might have to go to the hospital.
At one point, he lifted up his hand, and it was covered in blood. He told the audience. “I’m fine.” But it did not look that way.
We don’t know if he went to the hospital. But he did tweet, “We’re back! New Daily Show tonight! It’s a bloody good episode…emphasis on bloody…I’m an idiot…” Therefore, if he can type that, he should be “fine.”
UPDATE: The Daily Show shared a video of Stewart After The Cut, and his hand was bandaged up with paper towels and duct tape. Because that is what electric people suggest for everything.
And don’t tell his wife about what happened. He is going to tell her a story that makes him sound like he sliced open his fingers by protecting an older woman on 54th and 10th.
Back in January, Comedy Central announced that Jon Stewart was coming out of retirement to host The Daily Show on Mondays through the election.
His return has been so lauded that the Emmys nominated the news show for Best Talk Show, and it won yesterday.
Stewart accepted the award. Then, he went backstage to talk to the press. Of course, they wanted to know if he is going to stay on with the show or go back into retirement.
He told Variety, “Well, my feeling is this election will never end. So why would I? How could I leave? I won’t be allowed to leave until the election until we’re all ground to some sort of calcified nubs. … We’re looking forward to it being awful.”
He might be looking forward to it being awful. But I am not. I want to go back to how life was before Trump when you could have political conversations and still be able to talk to the person you disagreed with. More importantly, I want the racists to go back into hiding. I miss those days when people didn’t brag about what awful people they are.
