When I heard there was a Horror movie coming out about a killer sloth, I said, please let Slotherhouse be good. After watching the creature feature, I can tell you it is not good. It is so great that it is stupendous!
I grew up with Horror, but I am not a fan of modern-day movies because they depend heavily on CGI, which takes away from the frights. Slotherhouse uses an animatronic sloth, and I believed it was real. And that made me enjoy the film even more.
But that is just one of the many, many reasons why I loved it and cannot get enough. And neither will you.
Sweet Emily (Lisa Ambalavanar) and anti-establishment Madison (Olivia Rouyre) are ready for their senior year at college! Emily wants to be the President of their sorority, but bitchy Briana (Sydney Craven) has had the position for the last two years, and she doesn’t want to give it up.
How is Emily going to win over her sisters? She meets a man who is selling a sloth whom he poached from Panama. However, she doesn’t think her sorority will allow her to have a pet. But then she comes up with a way that she will be able to adopt the slow-moving animal.
So she goes to visit him. But he is not there. So, she decides to take the sloth and brings it back to her sorority house.
As soon as she gets there, Briana says she can’t keep it. And Emily tells Briana she can if their sisters say that it can be their mascot. Since almost no one can say no to a cute sloth, they vote to make her their mascot. What could go wrong?
Alpha is not your ordinary sloth. She can read, use the computer, take Selfies with a cell phone, and drive. Oh, and did I mention she can kill?
That’s right. Alpha is a killing machine. And the sisters slowly start to learn that when they go missing one by one. Although, it seemed to go a lot faster in her first killing montage.
Yeppers! We get to see her go on a killing spree. And that is just the beginning of her murderous rampage.
Finally, it is election night at Sigma Lambda Theta, and Alpha is ready to be the Alpha of the house. As in, she is ready to finish everyone off. It looks like she is going to do it, but then they start fighting back.
Just when you think she is dead. She comes back to life. As Briana said, “She is a cute Chucky.” And just as deadly! Maybe even more so in just this one movie.
Can they finally kill this kute killer? Or will SLT stand for Slaughtered, Lifeless, Terminated?
I cannot tell you, but I can tell you this is the best Horror movie of the year. And this is the year that gave us Cocaine Bear, M3GAN, and Scream VI.
Slotherhouse is enjoyable because they are in on the joke. Seriously, you want to watch the credits to see how much fun they had working on the creative side of this film with Alpha.
Bradley Fowler and Cady Lanigan came up with a movie that is so unbelievable, but they made it believable. I mean, who would believe a sloth would take over a sorority house? But they made it work.
Matthew Goodhue brilliantly took their concept and words and made us feel like we were really watching a murderous sloth rush a sorority. He made a movie that was a throwback to the slasher films of the ’80s and ’90s with modern elements mixed in.
While most of the film is a drama per se, Tiff Stevenson, who plays the house mother, and
Annamaria Serda, who plays Dakota, the sorority sister who is more like a fraternity brother, bring the comic relief.
I could go on and on about how much I love Slotherhouse. But I want you to go watch it and find out for yourself. It is available to rent and buy today. But I would suggest buying it because watching it once is not going to be enough.
You could seriously get drunk playing a drinking game of drink every time Alpha kills.
And on that note. Even though there are a lot of kills, they are not overly violent or tortourous. That is another thing I hate about the Horror movies of today.
Slotherhouse is a movie for everyone who can handle Horror.
And I can’t wait for the sequel. I just wish they were releasing a stuffed Alpha because I would sleep with her and her claws that are always dripping blood. Plus, I would buy one for the kids in my life and then make them watch the movie with me! Is that evil? It is not as evil as Alpha.
Back in June, Pat Sajak announced that he was retiring from Wheel of Fortune. And everyone wondered what that meant for his co-host, Vanna White.
She wanted to stay with the game show, but she also wanted, and deserved, a huge raise. Deadline did not say if she got one, but it is assumed that she did. And she should have because she hadn’t gotten one in two decades.
White will begin hosting WOF next season with Ryan Seacrest. And she is going to earn her paycheck because he is going to be more bland than vanilla and faker than Lauren Boobert’s boobs.
White’s new contract has her staying with the game show until 2026, which will be her 44th year as the host. And she hasn’t aged a single day.
Ed Sheeran went live with Conan O’Brien on the podcast Conan Needs a Friend, and he talked about making his new album Autumn Variations.
Believe it or not. Sheeran was working on Autumn Variations when he took a break from recording it to write the songs that went on Subtract, which was released in May.
It is not that hard to believe when you find out that the singer spends his weekdays, 10a-5p, in the studio writing new music. All he hopes for is that he can write one good song a month because, after a year, he has an album.
So, he spent a lot of time writing songs about his friends for his latest record, which comes out on the 29th. And he wrote it by the English sea.
Back in December, the director decided that he should film some videos by the sea with the waves crashing on him. The director offered to do it in Los Angeles, but Sheeran said I can do it in England.
That turned out to be a huge mistake. Because he told Conan, “I lost a couple of inches for a couple of days.”
Some might say he suffered for his art. But I say he suffered for his bravado. ‘
With the number of songs he writes a day, he says two to three; I am sure he wrote one about his shrinking dick. However, I don’t think we will ever hear it. But we should.
I sincerely hope that one day, he decides to release a record with all of the joke songs he has penned. You know that he has written several of those.
Yesterday was National Cheeseburger Day, and Michael B. Jordan was more than happy to celebrate. So he went to Shake Shack, ordered some cheeseburgers and shakes, and put his head on top of them like he was laying on the bosom of the woman of his dreams after making passionate love to her.
And now I wish I was a cheeseburger!
Drake has his bras, and Jordan has his cheeseburgers. I think Creed wins this round!
Broadway legend Chita Rivera was supposed to speak about her memoir Chita: A Memoir at the New York Public Library of Performing Arts yesterday, but the 90-year-old had to cancel.
The NYPL wrote, “Unfortunately, Chita Rivera has tested positive for COVID, and will be unable to attend our panel discussion on Monday, September 18. We will follow up to all who have signed up for the event if we have any updates in the future. We hope to schedule a new date for this event.
“In the meantime, please keep Chita Rivera in your thoughts. We hope to see you soon at the Library for the Performing Arts.”
Hopefully, she will be better soon and not suffer any lingering effects from the virus.
