Seriously? OMG! WTF? » Slotherhouse is a fun, fast-paced movie with slow, cute, killer
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[ # ] Slotherhouse is a fun, fast-paced movie with slow, cute, killer
September 19th, 2023 under Movies

When I heard there was a Horror movie coming out about a killer sloth, I said, please let Slotherhouse be good. After watching the creature feature, I can tell you it is not good. It is so great that it is stupendous!

I grew up with Horror, but I am not a fan of modern-day movies because they depend heavily on CGI, which takes away from the frights. Slotherhouse uses an animatronic sloth, and I believed it was real. And that made me enjoy the film even more.

But that is just one of the many, many reasons why I loved it and cannot get enough. And neither will you.

Sweet Emily (Lisa Ambalavanar) and anti-establishment Madison (Olivia Rouyre) are ready for their senior year at college! Emily wants to be the President of their sorority, but bitchy Briana (Sydney Craven) has had the position for the last two years, and she doesn’t want to give it up.

How is Emily going to win over her sisters? She meets a man who is selling a sloth whom he poached from Panama. However, she doesn’t think her sorority will allow her to have a pet. But then she comes up with a way that she will be able to adopt the slow-moving animal.

So she goes to visit him. But he is not there. So, she decides to take the sloth and brings it back to her sorority house.

As soon as she gets there, Briana says she can’t keep it. And Emily tells Briana she can if their sisters say that it can be their mascot. Since almost no one can say no to a cute sloth, they vote to make her their mascot. What could go wrong?

Alpha is not your ordinary sloth. She can read, use the computer, take Selfies with a cell phone, and drive. Oh, and did I mention she can kill?

That’s right. Alpha is a killing machine. And the sisters slowly start to learn that when they go missing one by one. Although, it seemed to go a lot faster in her first killing montage.

Yeppers! We get to see her go on a killing spree. And that is just the beginning of her murderous rampage.

Finally, it is election night at Sigma Lambda Theta, and Alpha is ready to be the Alpha of the house. As in, she is ready to finish everyone off. It looks like she is going to do it, but then they start fighting back.

Just when you think she is dead. She comes back to life. As Briana said, “She is a cute Chucky.” And just as deadly! Maybe even more so in just this one movie.

Can they finally kill this kute killer? Or will SLT stand for Slaughtered, Lifeless, Terminated?

I cannot tell you, but I can tell you this is the best Horror movie of the year. And this is the year that gave us Cocaine Bear, M3GAN, and Scream VI.

Slotherhouse is enjoyable because they are in on the joke. Seriously, you want to watch the credits to see how much fun they had working on the creative side of this film with Alpha.

Bradley Fowler and Cady Lanigan came up with a movie that is so unbelievable, but they made it believable.  I mean, who would believe a sloth would take over a sorority house? But they made it work.

Matthew Goodhue brilliantly took their concept and words and made us feel like we were really watching a murderous sloth rush a sorority. He made a movie that was a throwback to the slasher films of the ’80s and ’90s with modern elements mixed in.

While most of the film is a drama per se, Tiff Stevenson, who plays the house mother, and
Annamaria Serda, who plays Dakota, the sorority sister who is more like a fraternity brother, bring the comic relief.

I could go on and on about how much I love Slotherhouse. But I want you to go watch it and find out for yourself. It is available to rent and buy today. But I would suggest buying it because watching it once is not going to be enough.

You could seriously get drunk playing a drinking game of drink every time Alpha kills.

And on that note. Even though there are a lot of kills, they are not overly violent or tortourous. That is another thing I hate about the Horror movies of today.

Slotherhouse is a movie for everyone who can handle Horror.

And I can’t wait for the sequel. I just wish they were releasing a stuffed Alpha because I would sleep with her and her claws that are always dripping blood. Plus, I would buy one for the kids in my life and then make them watch the movie with me! Is that evil? It is not as evil as Alpha.


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