Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Veteran singer GARY NUMAN once stunned staff at a fertility clinic when his sperm specimen became contaminated with carpet fluff. The CARS star and his wife GEMMA, who now have two daughters, spent six years trying for a child artificially before enjoying natural conceptions. Numan says, "Sperm specimens were always a laugh. When I had to do the business, I thought, ‘Well if we’re supposed to be conceiving here, I’d rather Gemma was with me. Then she can help out.’ "There were no videos in the special room, just magazines and this sink where you had to dangle your bits. The stupid thing was, they give you two pots for the sperm. Halfway through your orgasm you’re supposed to swap pots. "Anyway, I completely overshot and it went all over the carpet. We were in tears laughing so much. "Gemma ended up scraping it off the carpet into the jar. God knows what they would have found in the lab: ‘Carpet fibres? What’s this bloke been doing?’"

Contact Music

Too odd not to post 

Captain Janks has struck again!Yesterday, the notorious prank caller and Howard Stern fan – real identity: North Wales, Pa., gas-station employee Thomas Cipriano scammed his way onto CNN’s "The Situation Room."In a live 4 p.m. phone interview with star anchor Wolf Blitzer (below), Cipriano impersonated Wendy Hutchens, a California woman who claims that five years ago she had detailed chats about the death of JonBenet Ramsey with creepy murder suspect John Mark Karr."Wendy Hutchens is joining us on the phone right now," Blitzer told viewers. "Wendy, thanks very much for doing this. Tell our viewers how you got involved with John Mark Karr." In a husky voice that kept changing register, the fake Wendy explained that she met Karr through a relative."So then what happened after that?" Blitzer pressed. "When did the E-mail, when did the talk of JonBenet Ramsey begin?" The fake Wendy answered: "It started around September of 2001, when he told me that he knew more about the JonBenet Ramsey case than what anybody else had known – and that he was instructed to kill JonBenet by Howard Stern."At which point, Blitzer, poker-faced, ended the interview: "All right. Well, that sounds like we’ve just been Howard Sterned, as they say."A CNN spokeswoman told me sheepishly: "We make every effort to screen all of our guests, and we’re looking into this incident."Cipriano, meanwhile, told me he hatched the scheme early yesterday afternoon and was surprised at how easily he succeeded – first impersonating Hutchens’ alleged publicist, "Bob Fortello," and then arranging for "Hutchens" to phone the control room directly and give the password "blue.""I’ve been doing this for 20 years!" Cipriano marveled. "You’d think they’d be on to me by now."

Lowdown 

I pity the employee who transferred that call in to the control room.

Local "American Idol" contestant Mikalah Gordon is "lucky she’s alive" after being assaulted during a robbery at gunpoint at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday, her mother said.Gordon, 18, was taking a break from recording music when a man pointing a gun approached her and a male friend, Gordon’s mother, Victoria Cavaricci, said Wednesday. Three other men came up, and Gordon was ordered to lie on her back on the sidewalk.Gordon, who was 16 when she reached the finals of the 2005 "American Idol" competition, told her mother that her head was slammed on the sidewalk by an assailant who was angry that she had looked at his face.As her assailants groped her, Gordon had a panic attack that may have saved her, Cavaricci said, adding, "She thought she was going to die." "She’s scarred and scared, but it could have been so much worse," Cavaricci said. "Police said she’s so lucky she’s alive."Las Vegas police spokesman Bill Cassell confirmed that the robbery occurred. The police are still investigating it, he said.Cavaricci gave the location as near Nellis Boulevard and Washington Avenue. The robbers got away with a cell phone and $5 in cash, she said. Gordon was putting together songs she planned to sing this weekend at a benefit in Orange County, Calif., for kids with cancer.

Norm Clarke 

Science fiction, horror and mystery writer Ray Bradbury was recovering at his Palm Springs, Calif., home Wednesday from a small stroke. Bradbury, 79, experienced a ’slight stroke’ Nov. 6, traveling from Los Angeles to Palm Springs, his wife Maggie Bradbury told the Palm Springs Desert Sun.His friend, producer John Dayton said Bradbury was ’sharp as ever’ and would recover from the stroke that affected his right side, Daily Variety reported. Bradbury wrote dozens of short stories, screenplays and books including ‘Farenheit 411,’ ‘Something Wicked This Way Comes’ and ‘Illustrated Man,’ which both became screenplays.

Monsters and Critics 

"American Idol" winner Taylor Hicks has sued a Tennessee music producer to halt the online distribution of songs the grey-haired crooner recorded five years before copping the reality TV crown. In a lawsuit filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Alabama, Hicks charges that William Smith recently sold three of his songs via Apple’s iTunes music store. In an interview, Smith told TSG that after Hicks auditioned for him, he recorded the songs (which Hicks had written) in June 2001 with the help of Nashville session musicians. Smith said that he subsequently shopped the songs to 15 different labels, but none were interested in signing Hicks. Last month, Smith informed Hicks’s attorney of his plans to market one of the songs, "The Fall," on iTunes, noting that "anything in his past that would reflect negatively upon him will stay there" as long as 29-year-old performer did not "go negative" against him. When asked if his July 24 e-mail was a veiled threat geared to forestall a copyright lawsuit, Smith denied that it was a "blackmail attempt." Smith said that he would not seek to hurt the performer’s reputation, adding that he has previously turned down five-figure tabloid offers to speak about Hicks’s sexuality and his prior drug use. "Taylor was a young musician, so you can imagine what he was involved in," said Smith. In response to Hicks’s complaint, Judge Virginia Emerson Smith yesterday signed a temporary restraining order barring distribution of the songs by Smith (who has yanked the titles from iTunes). Hicks’s first post-"Idol" recording, "Do I Make You Proud," landed atop Billboard’s Hot 100 list upon its June release and Arista Records is scheduled to release his album in November.

Smoking Gun 

What is up with the two Birmingham, AL American Idol winners being all sue happy.

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