Yesterday was the Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl at SoFi Stadium, and men discovered something funny when they went to the bathroom. That thing was Matt Damon staring up at them from the urinal.
Someone put the actor’s face on the urinal cakes. Who was it? Kimmel claims, “We don’t know who did this.” But I don’t believe him. Do you?
Jimmy Kimmel announced on his show tonight that he will be taking the summer off from his late night talk show. He says that he just wants to take a break to be with his family, and everything is fine with and between them.
However, I am not so sure that can be said anymore. That is because his wife, Molly McNearney., was seen coming out of the room that Matt Damon has secretly been staying in. I guess the women in his life can’t help but to f*ck Matt Damon. Do you blame them?
Back to Jimmy Kimmel Live, while the talk show’s namesake is on vacation, several people will be filling in for him. Please let Matt Damon be the first one!
You do not have to be a football fan to know that Tom Brady had a good throwing arm. Jimmy Kimmel wanted to see it in person. Therefore, he took him to a house and told him to throw a pigskin through a window. What the Patriot did not know is that window belongs to his #1 fan Matt Damon.
When Matt Damon came out and saw who broke his window, he was OK with it. All he wanted was a photo with the quarterback. Was the ABC host going to let him get that? What do you think? Of course not.
The biggest takeaway from this bit is that Tom Brady cannot act to save his life. That has to be some of the worst acting I have ever seen and I watch really cheaply done horror movies.
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Jimmy Kimmel, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon went to the LA Dodgers vs the Boston Red Sox World Series game yesterday. The arch neminises wore shirts that read “I’m with stupid” and an arrow that points to the other one. It worked great for them during their photo op, but not when they were watching the game. That is because Affleck sat in between them and both arrows pointed towards him. Which means he is the stupid one with them. Poor Ben Affleck.
There is a rumor going around that Matt Damon has a new best friend and his name is Chris Hemsworth. Somehow that news got back to Ben Affleck and he had a message for Thor, he wrote, “Hey @chrishemsworth, you can have him! I’m Team @JimmyKimmel anyways.”
At that point, Hemsworth broke his silence about the gossip with his hammer and wrote, “Sorry mate not my fault! He’s just a big @Marvel fan, not @DCComics. How do you like them apples 😘. @jimmykimmel the ball is in your court. Choose wisely…”
Well when Jimmy
Kimmel saw Affleck’s Tweet, he got all tingly inside and declared,
“Wow. Another big win for #TeamBatman! Sorry Matt, I’m sure this is a
Thor thubject. #Iwilltakeeveryoneyoulove.”
Chris Hemsworth responded to his new Loki with, “Hey @jimmykimmel sounds like you’ve chosen your side. Guess I’m not coming on your show this week. Good luck finding another Avenger named Chris.”
You see, all this week, Jimmy Kimmel Live is going to have the cast of Avengers: Infinity War on the show. How did he take it that one of the many Avengers would not be appearing on his talk show? The ABC host told him, “Not coming on my show will be another thing you and Matt have in common! @BenAffleck.”
Once Hemsworth read that, he wrote, “You know what, @jimmykimmel … I’m coming on your show now just to upset you.”
Throughout this Twitter infinity war, Matt Damon has not said a single word. Why do I have a feeling that will all change when not-Chris Evans is on JKL? Time for Kimmel to make another brilliant viral video! Side note, I have not watched I’m F*cking Ben Affleck in years, it is even more amazing now than it was then.
BTW who do you think will win the catfight over Matt Damon, Thor or Batman? I say Thor because he is a Gd and Batman is just a knight.
