Seriously? OMG! WTF? » Could Mario Lopez be a sexy Santa for Passion.com?
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[ # ] Could Mario Lopez be a sexy Santa for Passion.com?
December 15th, 2020 under Mario Lopez


Mario Lopez is no chicken when it comes to playing a seductive character. However, this weekend he played the chicken mogul Colonel Sanders for KFC’s Lifetime short A Recipe for Seduction. Passion.com was so turned on by him, they are making Lopez an offer he can’t turn down.

Dear Mr. Lopez,

I just watched your “Recipe for Seduction” mini-movie where you play sexy Colonel Sanders. As many fellow Americans, I was confused and a bit nervous when the trailer dropped last week. Your role as A.C. Slater on Saved by the Bell cemented your place as a cherished icon in American pop culture, and I’ve loved watching your career evolve throughout the years. But a 15 minute mini-movie on Lifetime promoting KFC? I had my concerns.

However, after watching the film, it’s clear that you’re ready to step into the silver fox role. That said, I think you can do better than an extended KFC commercial on Lifetime. I completely understand wanting to reach new audiences in unexpected ways, and that is why I’d like to formally offer you an opportunity to connect with an even larger, hornier fan base who will be eager and ready to fantasize about the salt n’ pepper, refined version of their famous childhood crush as Passion.com’s Sexy Santa.

With over 100 million users all over the world, I believe Passion.com is the perfect channel for you to continue to have a special place in the hearts of women all over the world. If it’s not horny housewives you’re after and you’re strapped for cash, we have you covered. If you choose to accept our offer to be our Sexy Santa, we will pay you a fee of up to $500,000 to broadcast live on our site reading erotic bedtime stories that were penned by our users. You will, of course, be expected to keep it steamy and sexy during the readings by wearing a barely-there Santa costume. We can even add an ASMR element, by having you slowly eat crunchy KFC chicken while you read (if KFC is game).

Please take some time to seriously consider our offer.

Sincerely,
Gunner Taylor
Director of Strategic Development, Friend Finder Networks

I hope he does it. I mean, I could have sworn he already played a ho, ho, ho, but he hasn’t. It is about time that he put on the red pants, suspenders, boots, and a hat. Notice how I didn’t mention a shirt.

Plus, I cannot wait to hear him read naughty XXX-mas stories. Would you check him out if he agreed to their proposal?

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