Seriously? OMG! WTF?

C. Thomas Howell/Instagram

It used to be that the only way you would see a man go full frontal on the screen was in hardcore porn. But this year proved that is a thing of the past.

It was like a unicorn to see a man’s penis. There was The Crying Game, Sleepaway Camp, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Velvet Goldmine, Hangover, Boogie Nights, Old School, American Reunion, Wild Things, and Deadpool, to name a very few.

It felt like it was something we only got to see once a year,

But this week, I saw a lot of dick, and that was just from movies and TV shows from 2023.

It started out with South Park (Not Suitable For Children) when Randy started an OnlyFans account and went completely naked from the waist down for most of his screen time in the special episode. For some reason, animated dick was not my thing. So I reached out to my friends with benefits for dick pics. I needed a cleanser.

However, I no longer need them. That is because the more I watched, the more penises I saw.

While I was donating platelets, I watched Obliterated. In the first episode, I saw all of C. Thomas Howell (who deserves the Emmy for his part. Not only his part). And now I am his secret admirer. He was not the only one to take it all off. We also got to see a stripper strip and put whipped cream all over his long banana. And his was not the longest. Terrence Terrell’s prosthetic was longer, as we saw when he had something stuck up his urethra.

It wasn’t only TV. I also got to see Barry Keoghan dance without any clothes in Saltburn. Believe it or not, the bathtub scene was not the most shocking one in the boring film.

My week isn’t over. So today, I got to see Timothy Laughlin’s package in Fellow Travelers. Secretly, I was hoping for Matt Bomer.

That was just this week. I also got to see penises in Euphoria, The Boys, and Gen V. The latter takes the credit for the largest manhood of them all. That is because we got to see Emma Meyer shrink down to a few inches to give a guy a body job.

I am sure I missed a few. And shockingly, I am OK with that. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I am over seeing dick for a while. It is kind of how I felt about looking in the mirror after seeing Showgirls. I was sick of the female body after that movie.

I don’t know what started this. Was it due to the popularity of Adam Demos’ scene in Sex/Life? That moment went viral and maybe showed producers that women like me want to see more of it.

I know I do. Heck, I watched Queer As Folk for it. But didn’t get to see any of the leads, including Gale Harold, from the front.

Will we see more peens, schlongs, johnsons, wangs, schmeckles, trouser snakes, and royal jewels in 2024? I sure hope so!

Naked women have been normalized in Hollywood since the ’70s. It’s about time we normalized it for men, too!

What do you think? Tell me in the comments.

UPDATE: I was told I need to White Lotus and The Cursed to the last.

UPDATE 2: So I decided to watch The Cursed on Showtime, and I saw a man peeing through his tiny penis. And now I need dick picks again from my friends with benefits.

Red Coral Universe/Facebook

Have you ever wanted to be in or work on a Horror movie? Well, thanks to Red Coral Universe, your dream could come true.

The free streaming site is giving away several opportunities to be part of Billy “Bloody Bill” Pon’s movie Circus of the Dead 2.

ENTER NOW for the opportunity to work in front of or behind the camera in this highly-anticipated sequel. Click the link in the bio to choose your path:

https://circusofthedead2.us.launchpad6.com/choose-your-path

Contest Details:

Entry Period: Dec 21, 2023 – Jan 31, 2024

Round One Voting: Feb 2 – Feb 16, 2024

Winners Announced: Mar 15, 2024

Prizes Include:

Just one warning. Don’t enter if you are afraid of clowns! Because they are a big part of this sequel.

Christopher Landon/Twitter

When it was announced in August that Christopher Landon was hired to helm Scream 7, I was so excited to see what the man who gave us Happy Death Day and Freaky was going to do with the franchise.

But a lot has happened since then. Melissa Barrera was reportedly fired for things she said about being pro-Palenstine. And her movie sister, Jenna Ortega is said to have quit because of her firing.

Since then, Landon, who is Michael Landon’s son, has been silent. But today, he screamed an update. “I guess now is as good a time as any to announce I formally exited Scream 7 weeks ago,” he wrote. “This will disappoint some and delight others. It was a dream job that turned into a nightmare. And my heart did break for everyone involved. Everyone. But it’s time to move on. I have nothing more to add to the conversation other than I hope Wes’ [Craven] legacy thrives and lifts above the din of a divided world. What he and Kevin [Williamson] created is something amazing and I was honored to have even the briefest moment basking in their glow.”

I hope that Spyglass Media Group can find a way to save the Scream 7 Landon was working on and bring everyone back. Because I think it could’ve been the best movie in the franchise had it been made. Landon is the Horror director of the future that we will be admiring for generations.

I love creature feature Horror movies with odd objects like breast implants, a pinata, a sofa, donuts, a toilet, and so on.

So when I saw that SRS Cinema posted a trailer for a movie called Amityville Backpack, I just had to watch it. And it did not disappoint!

When the rather hapless Luther Boots buys a backpack at a garage sale, people around him start turning up dead! He begins to suspect his new accessory may be to blame, and he begins investigating. Tracking its history, he discovers it has connections back to a haunted house in a small town called Amityville…

Can Luther rid himself of the cursed pack, or will the temptation for revenge ultimately consume him, and those he cares about most?

It is going to be so bad, it is going to be great!

I feel like I am one of the few Horror fans who despises The Terrifier franchise. The first movie had one good kill, and the second one was gory to be gory. It was a sick Torture Porn film just to be disgusting.

And, of course, they got a third movie, and that film is going to be Christmas-themed. In the first scene, which was shown as a teaser in movie theaters, we see that Art the Clown is dressed up as Santa Claus, and it looks like he chops up a kid with an axe.

A scene that writer/director Damien Leone tells JoBlo will be controversial. And then he adds that “that is not even the big kill scene.”

And with that, I am out. Granted, I was already out.

I know there is an audience for his films. It is just not me. And I don’t feel bad for all the people who go to see it in October and get sick watching it. You know what you are in for, so you have no one to blame but yourself.

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