Russell Brand was a guest on The Late Show tonight and he told David Letterman that he was a mailman before he was an actor. He told David Letterman why he did it. Brand explained, “In my mind, it is a cultural illusion that this is an opportunity for early morning conjugal activity. I thought that housewives would open the door, with a gesture to their nether regions.” Then he added, “Turns out that is not a window for sex. They just want their letters basically.” So how long did he hold out before he quit his sexless job? He held the job for 3 whole weeks.
I guess he thought that mailman was spelled maleman, and because of that I wonder if he thought that woman would think he is twice the man. I mean why would think that woman want their mailman? It has never been a fantasy of mine and I never heard anyone else wanted to lick their postal worker like a stamp. Have you?
Dear Mailmen, I am sorry if I offended you with the last paragraph. That was not what I was going for with this post. Please continue to deliver my bills and junk mail. Thanks!
John Cougar Mellencamp (Sorry he will always have that name to me) was on The Late Show yesterday and he had an obvious black eye. So David Letterman had to ask the singer about it. So Mellencamp told him a little ditty about his son and him getting into a fight; and how 18 year old Speck got a punch in and he didn’t. Boys will be boys!
But Mellencamp wasn’t on the CBS late night show to talk about his black eye, he was there to talk about Ghost Brothers of Darkland County that he did with the great Stephen King. The two men, who say they are like brothers, told the story about how John buying a haunted house brought the two of them together. Of course something being haunted would garner King’s interest. And since King was told John’s house’s story 13 years ago, the two have been great friends. And you can see it in the way they were interacting with each other.
I have been a fan of both of their work since I was a kid, and for some reason I never realized until now just how cool they really are. Don’t you just want to go for a beer in a dive bar and play darts with them as you shoot the sh!t?
Johnny Galecki is a guest on The Late Show tonight on CBS at 11:35p and The Big Bang Theory star told David Letterman how the late great Milton Berle taught him how to make out. When he was 18 years old and Berle was 89, the legendary actor guest starred on Roseanne and he gave the teen some sage advice. Berle taught him how to make out. Galecki shared the words of wisdom he was given by the actor, who is as well known for his huge pen!s as his acting, on the late night show, “Look them in the eye. Then you look them in the mouth. Then you look them in the eye. And then you move in.” Did it work for him? He admitted, “it kind of worked.”
So fellas now that you know Berle’s secret to making out, go try it out on your lover or your potential one tonight!
Now when it comes to Johnny Galecki, doesn’t he look like how Joaquin Phoenix looked when he did that infamous interview with Letterman all those years ago. Someone buy him a razor or give him a job in front of the camera ASAP. Because if that hiatus beard gets any bushier, even Milton Berle’s words won’t get him anywhere near any other lips any time soon.
For years David Letterman has been telling fat jokes about Chris Christie on The Late Show, but now that New Jersey Governor got the lap band surgery he can’t do that any more. So he had his writer Joe Grossman tell some non-fat jokes about the Christie and they will have you laughing out loud. I thought if the governor lost the weight the jokes about him wouldn’t be as funny, and boy was I wrong.
Woody Harrelson was a guest on The Late Show yesterday and he demonstrated a pretty freakin’ great talent that he has. He gave David Letterman a book and told him to open to a certain page. Then he instructed him to pick a word at the top of that page. Once Letterman had the word locked, Woody told him to close the page and picture the it. This is where it gets really good, Woody then had to guess what the word Letterman had commissioned into his memory was. Letter by letter Woody spelled the word out, but was it the word the CBS host picked? You will just have to watch because what he is does will leave you amazed.
