The temperature is going to be scolding hot this weekend, so you can either go to the beach to see people in bathing suits they shouldn’t be wearing and find yourself sunburned or you can go to the movies and see Piranha 3D in an air-conditioned theater and see people who should be in those bathing suits take them off. I am telling you to chose the second choice because Piranha 3D is bloody awesome!
Lake Victoria is being invaded by scantily clad college students who only want to party and enjoy the lake, but this year they are not the only ones invading the lake. After an earthquake opens up the underwater ground it let’s out thousands of hungry prehistoric piranhas and the town’s blue water will become blood red. The town sheriff will do everything she can to save the visiting college students from the ravenous piranhas, but they won’t listen to her warning to get out of the water. Meanwhile her son is on a boat acting as a tour guide to Derrick Jones who runs Wild Wild Girls (think Girls Gone Wild), his two models and a girl he has been crushing on. Will his mom be able to save the college students and her son, you will have to see this campy movie to find out…
Normally I hate remakes, especially ones based on one of my favorite horror movies, but I freaking loved Piranha 3D. Director Alexandre Aja keeps the feel of the original movie, but tops it in a way that will leave you walking out of the theater saying that was bloody awesome! I hate horror movies that take them seriously when they are not meant to be, and this movie is on the joke! You will see more boobs in this flick than you saw in Showgirls, and in this one they are in 3D. In fact there is a scene in the movie that involves Kelly Brook dancing underwater fully naked with Riley Steele to classical music. Let me tell you, you boys will be loving that scene. But ladies, don’t feel left out because we will also get to see a penis in 3D and can I tell you the Piranhas are spitters and not swallowers!
Piranha 3D is not for the squeamish because it is the bloodiest and goriest movies I have ever seen. Unlike the other recent remakes, this one is not taking it to a psychopathic level, but more of a fun one. Yes it is bloody, yes it is gory, but you will be laughing and not be grossed out by it. The CGI effects were great because what they did to the bodies is something I have seen several other movies attempt, but none of them were as successful as P3D. That and it out numbers all those movies combined. They killed so many people, I think there were more bodies in this one movie than all the Friday the 13ths and Nightmare on Elm Streets combined. And that is a very very good thing!
Besides boobs and blood starring in the movie, the cast is having as much fun making it as we are watching it. Elisabeth Shue hasn’t aged a day since The Karate Kid and she is great as the town sheriff trying to save the day. Ving Rhames is perfect as her deputy who goes all Samuel L Jackson on the piranha. Party Down’s Adam Scott is believable as a scientist who comes to town to investigate the quake. Jerry O’Connell will have you in stitches as Derrick Jones, and he has plenty of scenes that will leave a lasting impression on you. So much so I couldn’t stop looking at him funny in the Jimmy Kimmel Live Green Room right after I saw the preview screening for this movie. I seriously won’t be able to look at him the same way again, in fact he is no longer the fat kid from Stand By Me to me. You will have to see the movie to understand exactly what I mean and it is well worth it. One guy I will still be able to look the same at is The League’s Paul Scheer who plays Derrick’s nerdy right hand man. Unlike when Jessica Szohr is on Gossip Girl, I was able to stand her in this movie even though she will have a gross out 3D moment. Finally it was great to see Eli Roth die the way he died in this movie, it really blew my mind!
But what blew my mind the most is how freaking much I loved this movie!!! You will want to run out and see Piranha 3D for the first time this weekend. I say first time because this movie will become a cult classic like Rocky Horror Picture Show, you know where your friends and you will rewrite it to make it even funnier. And when it comes out on DVD, you will be excited for the drinking games you can play with it that will leave you wasted. Like drink every time a person dies or you see a boob and so on…
