Every year, we get a different take of either A Christmas Carol or It’s a Wonderful Life. This year, we are getting a new version of the latter, and it is getting the Horror treatment.
A year after saving her town from a psychotic killer on Christmas Eve, Winnie Carruthers’ (Jane Widdop) life is less than wonderful — but when she wishes she’d never been born, she finds herself in a nightmare parallel universe and discovers that without her, things could be much, much worse. Now the killer is back, and she must team up with the town misfit to identify the killer and get back to her own reality.
It’s A Wonderful Knife also stars Joel McHale and Justin Long.
Christmas just got a new Horriday classic, and I can’t wait to watch every kill on November 10th.
When I heard there was a Horror movie coming out about a killer sloth, I said, please let Slotherhouse be good. After watching the creature feature, I can tell you it is not good. It is so great that it is stupendous!
I grew up with Horror, but I am not a fan of modern-day movies because they depend heavily on CGI, which takes away from the frights. Slotherhouse uses an animatronic sloth, and I believed it was real. And that made me enjoy the film even more.
But that is just one of the many, many reasons why I loved it and cannot get enough. And neither will you.
Sweet Emily (Lisa Ambalavanar) and anti-establishment Madison (Olivia Rouyre) are ready for their senior year at college! Emily wants to be the President of their sorority, but bitchy Briana (Sydney Craven) has had the position for the last two years, and she doesn’t want to give it up.
How is Emily going to win over her sisters? She meets a man who is selling a sloth whom he poached from Panama. However, she doesn’t think her sorority will allow her to have a pet. But then she comes up with a way that she will be able to adopt the slow-moving animal.
So she goes to visit him. But he is not there. So, she decides to take the sloth and brings it back to her sorority house.
As soon as she gets there, Briana says she can’t keep it. And Emily tells Briana she can if their sisters say that it can be their mascot. Since almost no one can say no to a cute sloth, they vote to make her their mascot. What could go wrong?
Alpha is not your ordinary sloth. She can read, use the computer, take Selfies with a cell phone, and drive. Oh, and did I mention she can kill?
That’s right. Alpha is a killing machine. And the sisters slowly start to learn that when they go missing one by one. Although, it seemed to go a lot faster in her first killing montage.
Yeppers! We get to see her go on a killing spree. And that is just the beginning of her murderous rampage.
Finally, it is election night at Sigma Lambda Theta, and Alpha is ready to be the Alpha of the house. As in, she is ready to finish everyone off. It looks like she is going to do it, but then they start fighting back.
Just when you think she is dead. She comes back to life. As Briana said, “She is a cute Chucky.” And just as deadly! Maybe even more so in just this one movie.
Can they finally kill this kute killer? Or will SLT stand for Slaughtered, Lifeless, Terminated?
I cannot tell you, but I can tell you this is the best Horror movie of the year. And this is the year that gave us Cocaine Bear, M3GAN, and Scream VI.
Slotherhouse is enjoyable because they are in on the joke. Seriously, you want to watch the credits to see how much fun they had working on the creative side of this film with Alpha.
Bradley Fowler and Cady Lanigan came up with a movie that is so unbelievable, but they made it believable. I mean, who would believe a sloth would take over a sorority house? But they made it work.
Matthew Goodhue brilliantly took their concept and words and made us feel like we were really watching a murderous sloth rush a sorority. He made a movie that was a throwback to the slasher films of the ’80s and ’90s with modern elements mixed in.
While most of the film is a drama per se, Tiff Stevenson, who plays the house mother, and
Annamaria Serda, who plays Dakota, the sorority sister who is more like a fraternity brother, bring the comic relief.
I could go on and on about how much I love Slotherhouse. But I want you to go watch it and find out for yourself. It is available to rent and buy today. But I would suggest buying it because watching it once is not going to be enough.
You could seriously get drunk playing a drinking game of drink every time Alpha kills.
And on that note. Even though there are a lot of kills, they are not overly violent or tortourous. That is another thing I hate about the Horror movies of today.
Slotherhouse is a movie for everyone who can handle Horror.
And I can’t wait for the sequel. I just wish they were releasing a stuffed Alpha because I would sleep with her and her claws that are always dripping blood. Plus, I would buy one for the kids in my life and then make them watch the movie with me! Is that evil? It is not as evil as Alpha.
We all know the story of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy gets hit in the head during a tornado in Kansas and wakes up in the Land of Oz. The only way she can get back from this fantasy land is to tap the heels of her ruby slippers three times and say, “There’s no place like home.”
But what happened after Dorothy Gale (Karen Swan) got home? Well, she had a daughter she lost touch with and a granddaughter she never knew.
Her orphaned granddaughter, Emily Gale (Chloë Culligan Crump), discovered a book her grandmother wrote many years ago, and now she is starting to have dreams just like her grandmother did.
Emily decides to meet her long-lost grandmother to find out how to make her dreams stop. But all the deranged Dorothy tells her is to stay away from Oz.
Unfortunately, for Emily, that isn’t possible because her therapist keeps putting her under to find out what her dreams are about. What happens when she goes to Oz this time?
Emily encounters someone from Dorothy’s past, and let’s just say she is trapped there because of her grandmother.
Will she be able to click her heels three times and get home? You will have to watch it on the Chilling app to find out. And you are going to want to see how this short, suspenseful story, directed by Daniel Alexander, ends.
There is a lot of blood going to waste in Saw X, so Lionsgate wants your blood to make up for it.
So they are holding blood drives in Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, Houston, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, and Washington DC from today until the release of Saw X on September 29th.
To find out when and where you can donate, then check out Audacy.
If you can donate, please consider doing it. There is a national blood shortage, and it has been a slow month at the Red Cross, according to my phlebotomist. Since we live in a country that is always waiting for the next mass shooting or Jigsaw rampage, we cannot have our blood supply reach critical levels. It will take less than half an hour, and you can save a life.
I donate platelets; it takes longer, but you can watch a movie like one of the Saws during the procedure.
So give blood, or you might meet Jigsaw in a dark room with several other strangers fighting for your life. And there might not be any blood left to save you…
Now that Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey was a huge success, we are going to see more kids’ stories being turned into Horror movies. The first two to join the club are the nursery rhymes Mary Had a Little Lamb and Three Blind Mice.
Mary Has a Little Lamb follows a radio host and her crew set out to discover the truth behind some disappearances for a true crime show. They will soon learn that there is far more to discover when they meet Mary and her lamb. Who will make it out alive of this house of horrors?
Three Blind Mice (which is already a sick and twisted song) tells the tale of Abi going cold turkey; her family has taken her to a cabin in the woods so she can be away from the city and all her troubles. However, little do they know that the Three Blind Mice is more than just a fairy tale, and they may be next up on the menu.
And after watching those trailers, I am rooting for the Lamb and the Blind Mice! I think it would’ve been smarter if they made the creatures cuter and less grotesque. Either way, I am still going to see both movies because I am a sucker for seeing my childhood memories get screwed over.
Uncork’d Entertainment is releasing Mary on October 3rd and Three Blind Mice on the 17th.
