Seriously? OMG! WTF? » J-Lo
header image
The only way to get Jenny back to the block
July 25th, 2023 under J-Lo, Madame Tussauds. [ Comments: none ]

Jennifer Lopez’s song Jenny from the Block is about her hometown, The Bronx. So you would think that she would go there all the time. But she doesn’t.

In fact, she faked it for a Fiat commercial. And now Madame Tussauds is helping her fake it again because they sent her wax statue to Da Bronx. So it is almost like she was there. At least the latter was warmer to her former neighbors than she has been.

Although, I shouldn’t criticize her because I haven’t been home since my dad died. So I am no better than her. Now, I am sad.

And to make J-Lo and I feel better. There is a reason why they say, “You can take the girl out of The Bronx, but you can’t take The Bronx out of the girl.” And you can’t because me and my childhood friends, who now live all over the world, still have our Bronx attitudes. So don’t fuck with us. And that is why I can make fun of J-Lo, but you can’t.


JLo shared a thirst trap photo of Ben Affleck
June 19th, 2023 under Ben Affleck, J-Lo. [ Comments: none ]

Jennifer Lopez shared a topless photo of her husband. And who knew Ben Affleck looked that sexy naked? But he does.

And now I want to know why he doesn’t do more shirtless scenes in his movies. Maybe if he did, Air would’ve done better at the Box Office.


Ben Affleck claims Jennifer Lopez eats junk food
April 21st, 2023 under Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, J-Lo. [ Comments: none ]

Ben Affleck was on The Drew Barrymore Show today, and he talked about Jennifer Lopez’s eating habits.

“Let me tell you something that’s gonna upset you. Jennifer just eats whatever she wants. Whatever she wants. She eats cookies, ice cream, everything,” Mr. J-Lo said. “She works out. I work out too but I don’t magically appear to be twenty years old, you know what I mean, with perfect skin and the whole thing. There’s no taking away of the work ethic, the work ethic is real, the discipline is real, but also the superhuman thing is real. She’s the most gorgeous woman in the world, she looks spectacular.”

I would believe that his wife ate junk food if she wasn’t such a bitch. I mean, I think if she had a piece of chocolate every now and again, she would be a nicer person.

Do you believe she eats anything she wants? Or do you think he is trying to humanize his wife?


Jennifer Lopez has another clunker on her resume
October 4th, 2022 under J-Lo. [ Comments: none ]

Jennifer Lopez can’t choose a good movie if you paid her, and they do. Her latest awful movie is Shotgun Wedding with Josh Duhamel.

I don’t know why J-Lo thinks she can do comedy because she isn’t even funny. She is too stiff to be humorous, but she keeps trying.

She needs to do like another Jennifer and be funny by being awful because that is what she and Aniston are both best at doing.

While I won’t see it, if you want to, it will be available on Prime Video on January 27th.


Bennifer 1.0 finally got married
July 17th, 2022 under Ben Affleck, J-Lo. [ Comments: none ]

On the JLo

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck dated from 2002-2004 until he left her at the altar. Then in April 2021, they started daring again and got engaged a year later.

However, they decided not to wait a year to get married. So now J-Lo announced that she is now J-Aff.

We did it. Love is beautiful. Love is kind. And it turns out love is patient. Twenty years patient.

Exactly what we wanted. Last night we flew to Vegas, stood in line for a license with four other couples, all making the same journey to the wedding capital of the world. Behind us two men held hands and held each other. In front of us, a young couple who made the three hour drive from Victorville on their daughter’s second birthday—all of us wanting the same thing— for the world to recognize us as partners and to declare our love to the world through the ancient and nearly universal symbol of marriage.

We barely made it to the little white wedding chapel by midnight. They graciously stayed open late a few minutes, let us take pictures in a pink Cadillac convertible, evidently once used by the king himself (but if we wanted Elvis himself to show, that cost extra and he was in bed).

So with the best witnesses you could ever imagine, a dress from an old movie and a jacket from Ben’s closet, we read our own vows in the little chapel and gave one another the rings we’ll wear for the rest of our lives. They even had Bluetooth for a (short) march down the aisle. But in the end it was the best possible wedding we could have imagined. One we dreamed of long ago and one made real (in the eyes of the state, Las Vegas, a pink convertible and one another) at very, very long last.

When love is real, the only thing that matters in marriage is one another and the promise we make to love, care, understand, be patient, loving and good to one another. We had that. And so much more. Best night of our lives. Thank you to the Little White Wedding chapel for letting me use the break room to change while Ben changed in the men’s room.

They were right when they said, “all you need is love”. We are so grateful to have that in abundance, a new wonderful family of five amazing children and a life that we have never had more reason to look forward to. Stick around long enough and maybe you’ll find the best moment of your life in a drive through in Las Vegas at twelve thirty in the morning in the tunnel of love drive through, with your kids and the one you’ll spend forever with. Love is a great thing, maybe the best of things-and worth waiting for.

With love,
Mrs. Jennifer Lynn Affleck

Not to be a pessimist, but how long do you give their marriage?


« Previous entries 

website stats Google Analytics Alternative
Analytics Made Easy - StatCounter