Jeff Garlin was on Conan last week, and he told a story that we will never see on The Goldbergs.
Back when he was 20 and a virgin, he was a comedian playing the clubs around Miami. One night there was a woman who was heckling him. After the show, she ran into him and apologized for what happened inside the club. Then she gave him a kiss to seal the deal.
It did not stop there, she told him to follow her as she ran on to South Beach and stripped off her clothes. Once she got to the lifeguard stand, she motioned for him to join her. Being a good “Jewish boy,” he folded his clothes before he joined her.
As they were getting hot and heavy, he noticed someone was trying to steal his clothes. He ran after the guy, got his clothes back, folded them and went back to the girl.
How did he do? He says she did not heckle him for that performance. Good for him.
BTW I am pretty sure I know the spot where he lost V-card. It is a romantic place unless the cops are walking by. Talk about killing the mood.
We are used to seeing Andy Richter be PG-13 on Conan. However, on Wheel of Fortune, he is all NC-17. No matter what the clue is on the game show, he finds a way to see the word f*ck. You know what, he is not alone. I see it too.
Personally, I wish that the show was not all about being family-friendly, and had some clues like “chasing tail.” If Family Feud can do it, then why can Pat Sajak and Vanna White. I am sure they would enjoy the answers being a little bit naughtier. It would add some spice into their lives, and ours too. Don’t we all need it?
Antonio Banderas opened a theater in his hometown in Spain, and he is starring in a Spanish version of A Chorus Line. Banderas plays the director in the Broadway musical, and he offered to show Conan O’Brien some of the choreography when he was a guest on the TBS show yesterday.
Banderas, who is finally nominated for an Oscar, should stick to acting because his directing was horrible. Then again, I don’t even think that late great Bob Fosse or very talented Debbie Allen could teach Conan how to dance. Granted, I think Banderas chose the wrong number to teach his student. He should have gone with Dance Ten, Looks Three aka T!ts and A$$ instead. My body does its own moves whenever that song comes on playlist. Although, unlike me, Conan does not have an a$$ which is why he needs to see ee the wizard on Park and 73rd.
I really hope that Banderas finds a way to bring his take of the show to Broadway like he has said he wants to do.
The Property Brothers were on Conan yesterday and they talked about their track record with the ladies.
Did you know that Drew was so bad with women that he had to buy a book to get better with them? Jonathan said his twin went from not being able to talk to girls to becoming a douce. In fact, Drew’s pickup line to his now-wife was, “Where did you get that water?” Hey, it worked.
When it comes to Jonathan, he once had a married homeowner hit on him, and her husband had no idea what she was doing. Drew acted out how she would come out of nowhere and do this slithering thing to let Jonathan know she was interested. He was not.
The brothers said she was not the only weird person whose house they worked on. Of the 400 people, they worked with there were about a dozen that made their internal weird reel. Oh, to be a fly on the wall to see what is on that tape.
Then the twins pointed out that a lot of construction terms are really perverted. Things like “lube up the nipple” and “lay some caulk.” You know, HGTV should give them a show demonstrating all of these terms and call it HGTV After Dark. They can film it at the Brady Bunch house to give it that ’70s porn feel. I would pay attention to every word they say, and I don’t care about remodeling. I just hope that Drew doesn’t use any of his pickup lines because they are really awful.
A few months ago, Kumail Nanjiani showed off his bodacious bod, and the internet went crazy. So much so, he was featured on PornHub as a Muscular Man, and they gave a free subscription to their premium videos for ten years. Which he is enjoying.
Yesterday, when he finally showed up for his appearance on Conan, he talked about those new muscles. Not just the one arm! Anyways, does he feel stronger? Nanjiani admitted, “No. These muscles are decorative. They don’t do anything.”
Since they don’t do anything, does that mean he hasn’t changed because he has them? He says, “I am slightly less interesting because I do talk about working out a lot.” Then he added, “And I am slightly less funny.”
Something he did say that was funny, is that he thought about canceling on Conan O’Brien again. You see, back in July, the actor canceled on the talk show at the last minute, and they filled his spot with Conan’s assistant. Nanjiani thought it would be funny if he did it again. However, he did not do it.
The actor also apologized for canceling because he was stuck taping Silicon Valley. To show Conan how sorry he is, he promises never to do another episode of the show. Isn’t that nice of him not to do any more episodes for the show that has wrapped filming of its final season?
