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CRAZED comic Andy Dick has been banned from next month’s New York City Underground Comedy festival following his bizarre behavior at Comedy Central’s roast of William Shatner. As Page Six reported, Dick licked the faces of Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Fisher and Patton Oswalt before groping and biting the hand of Post reporter Mandy Stadtmiller backstage after the taping last Sunday. Festival spokesman Ryan McCormick says the ban on Dick will be rescinded only if he wears a Hannibal Lecter mask, comes with a doctor’s note stating that he has had tetanus shots and agrees to buy Stadtmiller an "all-expense paid vacation to Hawaii."
Page Six
It is about time.
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KOOKY comedian Andy Dick went bonkers at the Comedy Central roast of William Shatner on Sunday night – licking the faces of Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Fisher and Patton Oswalt before biting Post reporter Mandy Stadtmiller on the hand during a bizarre backstage meltdown.Dick’s face-licking frenzy began after Oswalt made a crack about the scraggly star’s rollerskate-licking turn in Jessica Simpson’s video, "A Public Affair." Dick retaliated by unleashing his tongue on Oswalt’s face before turning it on Fawcett, Fisher and "Star Trek" actress Nichelle Nichols during the taping at the Radford CBS Studio in Studio City, Calif.Backstage at the after-party, a drunken Dick groped an appalled Stadtmiller, tried to kiss her, proclaimed his love for her and finally bit her hand."Baby please," Dick repeated six times. "Put in something nice," he said after urinating in front of the horrified journalist in his dressing room and offering her cocaine."They’re so mean," he ranted. "I’m not weird. Maybe I’m a little weird, they make me out to be a monster, I’m not a monster . . . I just want to have fun, baby please."Dick, who performed his roast routine dressed in full Trekkie regalia, said that he downed two vodka cranberries to give him the courage to talk to fellow roaster Fawcett – of whom he said, "I’m going to [bleep] the [bleep] out of. Put that in Page 6, 7 and 8, that’s how big my [bleep] is."Explaining to Stadtmiller why he urinated in front of her, Dick said, "You know why I don’t close the door? Because then people think I’m doing drugs, and I want you to know I’m just normal."And why did Dick go on his licking spree? "I was doing it because I was desperately trying to tie the show together like a fisherman with tuna, and you’re a little piece of fresh tuna," Dick told Stadtmiller. "But thanks for asking. Do you want me to lick your face now?"No, Stadtmiller said – "but he can pay for that tetanus shot," she told us. Dick’s camp had no comment.
Page Six
Why does he get invited anywhere anymore?
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