Everyone bow your heads down for a moment of silence because Variety
is reporting that Cinemax is cleaning up its act.
Most horny teenagers, lonely people and frustrated married couples who can’t sleep in the middle of the night, find themselves tuning to Cinemax for the soft core p0rn movies. It is a right of passage for teens and the only reason to subscribe the movie channel. But cum 2014 that is all going to change.
Michael Lombardo, HBO’s president of programming, told the trade, “The hope is that I don’t hear ‘Skinemax’ any time after our original programming — what I’ll call the primetime originals — start to really take over the (lineup).”
Nooooooooooooooooooooo. WTF is he thinking? That is Cinemax’s staple. It has been there since the network was just a baby. It is what the people want. I mean how many times have you been lying in bed, too lazy to get up and go to the computer, and put on Skinemax to help you have sweet dreams. And now this guy is taking that away from us. Why? Did he not get to experience all that the network has to offer him. Does he thinks Girls turns on anyone sexually besides the less that the million people that watch that overrated show every week.
We want our soft core p0rn! We deserve our Skinemax! What do we want? Sexless sex! When do we want it? After midnight! What are going to do if we don’t get it? Unsubscribe! And boycott those programs he thinks will turn the network around.
So tonight and every night for the rest of the year, grab your tissues and toys, put on Skinemax and let him know we want it, we want it real bad.
Save our Skinemax!!!