Back when Neil Patrick Harris was a teen, he was a stud with the ladies like Barney Stinson. His older brother had a party at their house and there were some girls there. They were all drinking wine coolers and playing Pass the Gum, when two girls said that they wanted to kiss him at the same time. Being a teenager, he was like hell yeah, but it didn’t go as well as he expected. He told Conan O’Brien, “I think in hindsight, weirdly, using angles, that both of their tongues were definitely in my mouth; but my tongue was between their cheeks.” Then he added, “I don’t remember, kind of going left to right. I remember being panicked and going straight forward.” Concluding his legen-waitforit-dary story with, “I think it was super fun for me and kind of disgusting for them.” What makes this story even more incredible is that this happened before he did Dougie Howser. So these girls who wanted him for him and not because he was the kid in Clara’s Heart, which still hadn’t come out at the time his heart was racing faster than sports car competing at NASCAR.
Back to Conan, the TBS late night host told the Oscar one that he envies him because he’s never made out with two women at the same time. To which NPH said, “Not yet, you haven’t.” I don’t think Conan’s wife would like that and Harris said, “She can watch!”
Poor Conan was not having a good day yesterday, first Madeline Albright put him in his place and then Neil Patrick Harris one-upped him. Oh well, we all have bad days. Maybe not Neil Patrick Harris, but others do!
We know Chelsea Handler can dish it, but can she take it? The answer is yes, and I can’t wait to see more people sling crap back at her just like Andy Richter did!
The other night, Handler was on Conan and she asked the TBS host if he swims a lot in the ocean. Then she asked his sidekick the same question and he said he does. Then she tried to make a funny and said, “Do you float a lot in the ocean?” She was referring to his weight. You can see by his face, he was pissed. He asked her, “Sure, what do you sink?” Richter then zinged her with, “Might be that cast iron heart!” The between jobs late night host, couldn’t hold back her laughter and neither could Conan. While they were laughing, you can tell that Andy is fuming.
I am so over Chelsea’s unfunny mean humor, and I am happy someone finally got her back and to her face. Will it make her a nicer person, more sensitive to her bad jokes, nope. But without a show behind her, she will realize people won’t be taking her sh!t anymore. And I am fine with that.
So did Andy’s comeback sink or float with you?
How many times have you wanted to see bratty Justin Bieber get his a$$ handed to him? Well, Conan O’Brien made that happen tonight on his TBS show. So sit back and watch your new favorite video over and over and over again!!!
I have been obsessed with plagues ever since I was a little kid, so I have been avoiding the news coverage of Ebola because I knew it would frankly scare the crap out me. But what I do know about it, is that they have been going overboard and scaring everyone to the point that they think if they sneeze they have the deadly virus.
Well yesterday on Conan, the TBS show mocked how insane the news outlets have been going over this story. In the process of reporting the news, they have been making mistakes and they pointed that out too.
Not only are the news show going crazy over Ebola, so is the CDC. So they made sure to also point that out with a very heavy price.
This segment would be even funnier if it wasn’t so true. As I was posting the story, there was a report about a cruise ship being turned around because a woman who might, yes might, have handled that Dallas patient’s blood is on it. Mexico reportedly refused them entry. Which is crazy because she was already in quarantine on the ship.
I also would’ve personally laughed harder at this bit if I wasn’t a little over a mile away from their studio and sneezed as I was watching it. Achoo! Dang you Andy Ryechter, you better not have gotten me sick.
Conan O’Brien asked Dax Shepard about his nude scene in This is Where I Leave You, and the answer he got was more than he bargained for. It starts off pretty normal as the Parenthood star explains that he did lunges to build up his butt, but then it takes a hairy turn. You see, Dax has a forest in the valley (Andy Richter’s description) and he didn’t want the viewing audience to see it. So he asked his wife, Kristen Bell, to shave him there and for some reason she agreed. As she took an electric razor to his buttcrack, she hummed Lipps Inc’s disco hit Funkytown. You’d think there would be a better song to hum like ACDC’s Highway to Hell or Meat Loaf’s Bat Out of Hell. You get the theme I am going with there, right?
Now back to his wife doing the doody, I mean duty, what was she thinking? True love is not even an excuse. You couldn’t get me to do that crappy job for the biggest diamond in the world. As the TBS late night asked, why not go to a professional. That is what they are for, not the woman you say you love. No where in the vows does it say, a$$hole shaving. Ladies, who’s with me? Would you do that for your man?
So there is a Medical Ethicist (whatever that is) who says that he wants to die at the age of 75, and Larry King has a lot to say about that. The 80 year old host took his gripe to Conan, and what he says will hopefully change that 57 year old doctor’s mind. Granted nothing will change that guy’s mind faster than being 74 years old and wanting to see 76. Just like Paul McCartney when he thought that 64 was so far away when he wrote that song. At the time it was, and now it still is for him but in the opposite way.
Now back to King, who knew he was so funny? Maybe he should open his OraTV show Larry King Now with a monologue because he is better than some of the other late night hosts at telling jokes. Don’t you agree?
Nick Offerman was on Conan O’Brien’s show yesterday to promote his show, Full Bush. The TBS late night host made the mistake of asking him why he named it that and his explanation will leave you feeling sick. The Parks and Recreation star mentioned that it also refers to letting it grow free down there and that he is against manscaping. Then he took it to a whole new level that was so disgusting I had to share it with you because I cannot suffer alone. Seriously, did you not throw up a little in your mouth? Tell me I am not the only one.
So you have heard that the new iPhones can actually bend. Well yesterday on Conan, Samsung Galaxy released a commercial trying to get people to switch to their cellular phones. I don’t know about you but I am excited to switch. There is something about it that just makes me want to put it my pocket, set it on vibrate and call myself over and over and over again.
It has taken many years, three late night shows and two coasts, but it has finally happened. Conan O’Brien and Jordan Schlansky have finally sought out the help that their relationship desperately needed. They went to couples therapy and I think it might’ve actually worked. For the time that I can remember, Jordan broke down and laughed at his boss. If that isn’t a sign that their relationship has changed, I don’t know what is. Well, the way they hugged at the end was another clue that their Bromance is on the right track.
I hope that this does not last because I love how much they hate each other. Don’t you?
Kirsten Dunst was on Conan O’Brien’s show yesterday and they talked about her first movie, Interview with a Vampire, that she did when she was just 11 years old. Not only was it first movie, but she also had first kiss while she was filming it. As we know, her lips had their cherry popped by Brad Pitt. Now you’d think that would be pretty amazing? Nope, because she told the TBS late night host, “I thought it was disgusting.” Whhhhhaaaaaattttttt? Then she explained, “I was 11, it would’ve been weird if I was like, this is amazing, I’m kissing Brad Pitt. Then, I think people, would think I was a little bit off.” I don’t think so because after all it is Brad freaking Pitt.
While her first kiss was disgusting, her next kiss, which happened shortly after that, wasn’t as bad. That is when a friend of hers surprisingly kissed her in the elevator at the Washington Monument. Yeah, like that isn’t less weird?
But not as weird as Conan pointed out as telling that boy that he wasn’t her first lip lock, Brad Pitt will always have that honor. It’s hard for any man to compete with that.
When, where and how was your first kiss? Mine was around that age on the bus coming back from camp. He sucked and not in the good way.