Anyone who watches Conan‘s TBS show knows that Jordan Schlansky is a snob when it comes to things like coffee, water and wine; so his boss took him to a high end coffee bar for a tasting.
The two of then were given a tour of the facility and Jordan thought he knew more than the people that work there. He did not. At one point he had his a$$ handed to him and Conan O’Brien loved that. Almost as much as I love their time at Intelligentsia Coffee.
Seriously, why hasn’t anyone given these two a travel show where they try out new things? Could you imagine these two traveling together? Oh wait, if they did, there would only be one episode. That’s because only one of them would make it to the second episode. But what a hell of a first episode that one would be.
The thing I love most about Conan O’Brien is he does bits that are so bad, you know he is going to go to hell for them.
His latest one is in honor of Sesame Street’s 45th anniversary, and he had Ernie getting his first colonoscopy. That is awful enough, but the conversation between the TBS late night host and the popular puppet takes it to a whole new level. Especially when they go there. There as in they make a joke in reference to Ernie having something up his bum, you know the one I am talking about. That wisecrack is the funniest thing from this segment, but it is not the worst, I mean best, I mean I don’t know. There are so many emotions after watching that and the biggest one is happiness from laughing so hard!
If that justify my headline, then this other bit from yesterday’s show will. I don’t think this segment about the musical Bears in our Pool needs explanation. It is as ridiculous as you think it is going to be and worse than you can imagine, but it is so brilliant you can’t help but to love it.
It is things like this that make Conan’s show almost too much for me to bear. But then again these gags definitely make my days sunny and keep the clouds away.
Last week the world wide web cried when the news broke that Benedict Cumeberbatch got engaged to his girlfriend. As bad as you thought you took the engagement, Andy Richter took it so much harder than we did. He completely lost it when Conan O’Brien told him about it on the TBS show yesterday. Seriously, if you thought you loved Sherlock, it is just like as compared to Andy. Watch this hysterical video to see why.
Then when you are done, watch Conan O’Brien destroy another game in the Clueless Gamer segment. This time it is Assassin Creed’s Unity and not only did he offend the game’s creator, he also insulted Kanye West and the French, the French and did I mention the French?
Back when Neil Patrick Harris was a teen, he was a stud with the ladies like Barney Stinson. His older brother had a party at their house and there were some girls there. They were all drinking wine coolers and playing Pass the Gum, when two girls said that they wanted to kiss him at the same time. Being a teenager, he was like hell yeah, but it didn’t go as well as he expected. He told Conan O’Brien, “I think in hindsight, weirdly, using angles, that both of their tongues were definitely in my mouth; but my tongue was between their cheeks.” Then he added, “I don’t remember, kind of going left to right. I remember being panicked and going straight forward.” Concluding his legen-waitforit-dary story with, “I think it was super fun for me and kind of disgusting for them.” What makes this story even more incredible is that this happened before he did Dougie Howser. So these girls who wanted him for him and not because he was the kid in Clara’s Heart, which still hadn’t come out at the time his heart was racing faster than sports car competing at NASCAR.
Back to Conan, the TBS late night host told the Oscar one that he envies him because he’s never made out with two women at the same time. To which NPH said, “Not yet, you haven’t.” I don’t think Conan’s wife would like that and Harris said, “She can watch!”
Poor Conan was not having a good day yesterday, first Madeline Albright put him in his place and then Neil Patrick Harris one-upped him. Oh well, we all have bad days. Maybe not Neil Patrick Harris, but others do!
We know Chelsea Handler can dish it, but can she take it? The answer is yes, and I can’t wait to see more people sling crap back at her just like Andy Richter did!
The other night, Handler was on Conan and she asked the TBS host if he swims a lot in the ocean. Then she asked his sidekick the same question and he said he does. Then she tried to make a funny and said, “Do you float a lot in the ocean?” She was referring to his weight. You can see by his face, he was pissed. He asked her, “Sure, what do you sink?” Richter then zinged her with, “Might be that cast iron heart!” The between jobs late night host, couldn’t hold back her laughter and neither could Conan. While they were laughing, you can tell that Andy is fuming.
I am so over Chelsea’s unfunny mean humor, and I am happy someone finally got her back and to her face. Will it make her a nicer person, more sensitive to her bad jokes, nope. But without a show behind her, she will realize people won’t be taking her sh!t anymore. And I am fine with that.
So did Andy’s comeback sink or float with you?
How many times have you wanted to see bratty Justin Bieber get his a$$ handed to him? Well, Conan O’Brien made that happen tonight on his TBS show. So sit back and watch your new favorite video over and over and over again!!!
I have been obsessed with plagues ever since I was a little kid, so I have been avoiding the news coverage of Ebola because I knew it would frankly scare the crap out me. But what I do know about it, is that they have been going overboard and scaring everyone to the point that they think if they sneeze they have the deadly virus.
Well yesterday on Conan, the TBS show mocked how insane the news outlets have been going over this story. In the process of reporting the news, they have been making mistakes and they pointed that out too.
Not only are the news show going crazy over Ebola, so is the CDC. So they made sure to also point that out with a very heavy price.
This segment would be even funnier if it wasn’t so true. As I was posting the story, there was a report about a cruise ship being turned around because a woman who might, yes might, have handled that Dallas patient’s blood is on it. Mexico reportedly refused them entry. Which is crazy because she was already in quarantine on the ship.
I also would’ve personally laughed harder at this bit if I wasn’t a little over a mile away from their studio and sneezed as I was watching it. Achoo! Dang you Andy Ryechter, you better not have gotten me sick.
Conan O’Brien asked Dax Shepard about his nude scene in This is Where I Leave You, and the answer he got was more than he bargained for. It starts off pretty normal as the Parenthood star explains that he did lunges to build up his butt, but then it takes a hairy turn. You see, Dax has a forest in the valley (Andy Richter’s description) and he didn’t want the viewing audience to see it. So he asked his wife, Kristen Bell, to shave him there and for some reason she agreed. As she took an electric razor to his buttcrack, she hummed Lipps Inc’s disco hit Funkytown. You’d think there would be a better song to hum like ACDC’s Highway to Hell or Meat Loaf’s Bat Out of Hell. You get the theme I am going with there, right?
Now back to his wife doing the doody, I mean duty, what was she thinking? True love is not even an excuse. You couldn’t get me to do that crappy job for the biggest diamond in the world. As the TBS late night asked, why not go to a professional. That is what they are for, not the woman you say you love. No where in the vows does it say, a$$hole shaving. Ladies, who’s with me? Would you do that for your man?
So there is a Medical Ethicist (whatever that is) who says that he wants to die at the age of 75, and Larry King has a lot to say about that. The 80 year old host took his gripe to Conan, and what he says will hopefully change that 57 year old doctor’s mind. Granted nothing will change that guy’s mind faster than being 74 years old and wanting to see 76. Just like Paul McCartney when he thought that 64 was so far away when he wrote that song. At the time it was, and now it still is for him but in the opposite way.
Now back to King, who knew he was so funny? Maybe he should open his OraTV show Larry King Now with a monologue because he is better than some of the other late night hosts at telling jokes. Don’t you agree?
Nick Offerman was on Conan O’Brien’s show yesterday to promote his show, Full Bush. The TBS late night host made the mistake of asking him why he named it that and his explanation will leave you feeling sick. The Parks and Recreation star mentioned that it also refers to letting it grow free down there and that he is against manscaping. Then he took it to a whole new level that was so disgusting I had to share it with you because I cannot suffer alone. Seriously, did you not throw up a little in your mouth? Tell me I am not the only one.