Russell Brand was on The Howard Stern Show today and he told the Shock Jock his winning pick-up line! Brand will say to a girl, “Look, we are alive here for a short time. I think you are beautiful. I think there’s divinity within you and there is divinity within in me…” He had me at look. Actually he kind of had me at divinity, because the way he talks is so enchanting. Even if I don’t what the hell he just said.
Russell Brand was a guest on The Late Show tonight and he told David Letterman that he was a mailman before he was an actor. He told David Letterman why he did it. Brand explained, “In my mind, it is a cultural illusion that this is an opportunity for early morning conjugal activity. I thought that housewives would open the door, with a gesture to their nether regions.” Then he added, “Turns out that is not a window for sex. They just want their letters basically.” So how long did he hold out before he quit his sexless job? He held the job for 3 whole weeks.
I guess he thought that mailman was spelled maleman, and because of that I wonder if he thought that woman would think he is twice the man. I mean why would think that woman want their mailman? It has never been a fantasy of mine and I never heard anyone else wanted to lick their postal worker like a stamp. Have you?
Dear Mailmen, I am sorry if I offended you with the last paragraph. That was not what I was going for with this post. Please continue to deliver my bills and junk mail. Thanks!
Russell Brand was caught by the paps as he left yoga yesterday and I can’t stop looking at his right leg. Is that a yoga mat in his pocket, or is his peepee happy to see us? Who knew he might have a rock of ages in his pants?
Russell Brand was on Chelsea Lately yesterday. Chelsea Handler was not doing her show, but instead Khloe, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian were filling in for her. Well the three sisters were talking to Brand and he admitted he was “vulnerable to the concept of a KKK threesome.” I am not sure what is worse the concept of doing it with all The Kardashian girls at once or three members from the KKK. Both are just too horrible to think about, but at least the latter group would wear sheets over their heads so you wouldn’t have to look at them.
Russell Brand took to Twitter with these Words of Wizdumb, “Vaginas are about context, I love them but If one ran into my room on its own I’d hit it with a broom.” Imagine what a vajayjay would do if they saw his pen!s running into a room at them? Same thing!
Russell Brand was out driving and he needed to get something out of his nose. So he drove his finger up his snout to get it out and boy it was really jammed up there by the looks of the way he is reaching for it. So the moral of this picture is make sure to have antibacterial soap ready if you ever shake hands with him.
Russell Brand was on Ellen today and he shared a video of his cat Morrissey with Ellen DeGeneres. So even though that other Kat is out of his life, he seems much happier with this cat! What do you think?
BTW I love how he told Ellen that he talks to the real Morrissey about his cat Morrissey. He was so cute as share that little tidbit.
Yesterday on Late Night Jimmy Fallon dressed as Russell Brand and read stories from Us Weekly in his funniest bit to date. This segment was so freaking hilarious that I think if BrandX was more like this it would be getting Anger Management numbers if not better. I hope the former Mr Katy Perry watches this and changes up his FX show because it really needs to more like this. I wanted to like BrandX because I like him, but it is painfully boring and a huge disappointment.
Russell Brand was on Conan O’Brien yesterday and he told the TBS late night host the time he hung at Charlie Sheen’s during his winning period. Sadly it is not as exciting as we would hope, but still Brand made it sound like a lot more interesting that it really was. Especially when he answered the rumor if he took the Anger Management star to Yoga.
You know hearing that Brand and Sheen are kind of friends, makes hope that FX gives them an Odd Couple like show. Their bromance will make great TV.