How many times have you said to someone, “go screw yourself,” and wish that they could? Russell Brand got just that opportunity when he saw a lifesize cardboard image of himself. While most normal people would pose next to it, the comedian is not one of them. Which is a good thing because we got this photo.
Russell Brand Tweeted these pictures of what he wore at Eurovision and who knew he looked so pretty in a gown? If he only had hair on the top of his head and not on the rest of his body, I think he could easily pass for a beautiful woman. Don’t you agree?
Russell Brand was on The Howard Stern Show today and he told the Shock Jock his winning pick-up line! Brand will say to a girl, “Look, we are alive here for a short time. I think you are beautiful. I think there’s divinity within you and there is divinity within in me…” He had me at look. Actually he kind of had me at divinity, because the way he talks is so enchanting. Even if I don’t what the hell he just said.
Russell Brand was a guest on The Late Show tonight and he told David Letterman that he was a mailman before he was an actor. He told David Letterman why he did it. Brand explained, “In my mind, it is a cultural illusion that this is an opportunity for early morning conjugal activity. I thought that housewives would open the door, with a gesture to their nether regions.” Then he added, “Turns out that is not a window for sex. They just want their letters basically.” So how long did he hold out before he quit his sexless job? He held the job for 3 whole weeks.
I guess he thought that mailman was spelled maleman, and because of that I wonder if he thought that woman would think he is twice the man. I mean why would think that woman want their mailman? It has never been a fantasy of mine and I never heard anyone else wanted to lick their postal worker like a stamp. Have you?
Dear Mailmen, I am sorry if I offended you with the last paragraph. That was not what I was going for with this post. Please continue to deliver my bills and junk mail. Thanks!
Russell Brand was caught by the paps as he left yoga yesterday and I can’t stop looking at his right leg. Is that a yoga mat in his pocket, or is his peepee happy to see us? Who knew he might have a rock of ages in his pants?