Seriously? OMG! WTF? » Stupid Sequels/Remakes
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Can we sink the Splash remake?
August 1st, 2016 under Channing Tatum, Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]


That high pitched scream you heard was not from Daryl Hannah saying her real name in Splash, but me when I just read in The Hollywood Reporter that they are remaking the 1984 movie with Channing Tatum as the Mermaid.
Splash is a movie that holds up very well, so there is no reason to remake it. Let alone to remake with Channing Tatum in Hannah’s role and Jillian Bell in Tom Hanks’s part. No.
Who wants to see a movie with a male Mermaid? Not being sexist, but they are women. At least half women, but you know what I mean.
Tatum needs to stick with what he does best, dancing half naked in movies like Step Up and Magic Mike. Not playing a half naked Merman.
Dear Hollywood and Disney, Stop remaking great movies and turning them into crappy ones. Didn’t this summer’s box office teach you anything? Guess not.

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What blockhead thinks that a Tetris movie is a good idea?
May 18th, 2016 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]


Remember when you were a kid and you loved playing Tetris? Did you ever think that would make a great movie? No, you didn’t. No one did. Well not no one because someone thinks it is a $80 million epic sci-fi thriller according to The Hollywood Reporter.
To me it seems like a Horror movie in the vein of Saw. In order to survive you, you need to complete the puzzle. Anything else, it just seems like a waste of $80 let alone $80 million.
The only requirement I have the blockbuster is that they keep the theme song.

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Disney took all the fun out of Pete’s Dragon
February 22nd, 2016 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]


When I was a little kid, Pete’s Dragon was one my favorite movies. I drove my parents crazy watching it over and over and over again.
Now, nearly 40 years later, Disney has decided to remake the classic movie. Only problem is that they turned the sweet lovable musical into a Jurassic Park wannabe. WTF?
How can they destroy a family favorite like that? I thought CGI was going to ruin it, but it looks the J.J. Abrams era of filmmaking might have done it in. Doesn’t the trailer feel like Cloverfield or Super 8?
The only thing that makes me stop crying after watching this teaser trailer is re-watching Pete’s Song from the original Pete’s Dragon.

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Why did they have to remake Poltergeist?
February 5th, 2015 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]


There are very few horror movies from the ’80s that are as scary now as the first time you saw them. There’s Poltergeist, American Werewolf in London and Nightmare on Elm Street to name a few, but yet there are schmucks in Hollywood who think they can remake them and make them scarier with CGI. I am here to tell you can’t.
Case in point, one of those schmucks decided to work his magic on the 1982 classic Poltergeist and today they released the trailer for it.
Now, instead of a television set, it is the closet that is talking to the girl whose name is no longer Carol Anne. They couldn’t even keep her name? What’s wrong with Carol Anne? Then one of the biggest nightmare inducing things about the original movie is the life-sized clown that terrorized Robbie. They shrunk him down to normal sized doll. Who is scared of something that is a 18″ long? No one. The one thing they did make bigger was the medium, gone is sweet little Tangina, and now in her place is some tall Englishman. I could go on but my blood is boiling.
If it was just the inaccuracies that were bothering me, I would maybe look over it but there is more. They have turned this movie into every other paranormal movie out there today. We have been seeing these tricks in all of those boring Paranormal Activity films, and the original Poltergeist was not heavy on the same old special effects that are plaguing horror movies today.
So instead of blowing $15 a ticket on July 17th to see it, just watch the original instead. It’s a whole lot cheaper and a million times better.
In the meantime, I will be hoping for a skeleton filled pool hole to swallow this movie up whole. Go into the light, Poltergeist movie. Go into the light!

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Now they are destroying Pete’s Dragon
October 16th, 2014 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]


When I was a little kid, Pete’s Dragon was my favorite movie. To this day whenever anyone mentions the film, it brings a smile to my face. That was until today because Variety is reporting that they are remaking it with Robert Redford. To make matters worse, Elliott the Dragon will be CGIed. Which means they probably will make him look more lifelike than the 1977 version of him. Which in turn will scare kids and not make it a classic like the original.
When will Disney realize that their biggest recent hits were not remakes, so they should stick to originals. To quote Frozen, when it comes to remakes “Let it go!”

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