Seriously? OMG! WTF? » Stupid Sequels/Remakes
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Why did they have to remake Poltergeist?
February 5th, 2015 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

There are very few horror movies from the ’80s that are as scary now as the first time you saw them. There’s Poltergeist, American Werewolf in London and Nightmare on Elm Street to name a few, but yet there are schmucks in Hollywood who think they can remake them and make them scarier with CGI. I am here to tell you can’t.
Case in point, one of those schmucks decided to work his magic on the 1982 classic Poltergeist and today they released the trailer for it.
Now, instead of a television set, it is the closet that is talking to the girl whose name is no longer Carol Anne. They couldn’t even keep her name? What’s wrong with Carol Anne? Then one of the biggest nightmare inducing things about the original movie is the life-sized clown that terrorized Robbie. They shrunk him down to normal sized doll. Who is scared of something that is a 18″ long? No one. The one thing they did make bigger was the medium, gone is sweet little Tangina, and now in her place is some tall Englishman. I could go on but my blood is boiling.
If it was just the inaccuracies that were bothering me, I would maybe look over it but there is more. They have turned this movie into every other paranormal movie out there today. We have been seeing these tricks in all of those boring Paranormal Activity films, and the original Poltergeist was not heavy on the same old special effects that are plaguing horror movies today.
So instead of blowing $15 a ticket on July 17th to see it, just watch the original instead. It’s a whole lot cheaper and a million times better.
In the meantime, I will be hoping for a skeleton filled pool hole to swallow this movie up whole. Go into the light, Poltergeist movie. Go into the light!


Now they are destroying Pete’s Dragon
October 16th, 2014 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

When I was a little kid, Pete’s Dragon was my favorite movie. To this day whenever anyone mentions the film, it brings a smile to my face. That was until today because Variety is reporting that they are remaking it with Robert Redford. To make matters worse, Elliott the Dragon will be CGIed. Which means they probably will make him look more lifelike than the 1977 version of him. Which in turn will scare kids and not make it a classic like the original.
When will Disney realize that their biggest recent hits were not remakes, so they should stick to originals. To quote Frozen, when it comes to remakes “Let it go!”


Some bad times in Hollywood because they are making a Good Times movie
March 12th, 2013 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

Hollywood just can’t come up with something original anymore because they are going back to the ’70s for their latest movie. According to Deadline Sony Pictures wants to resurrect their sitcom Good Times and make it into a feature film. The studio has hired Phil Johnston, who wrote Wreck-It-Ralph and Cedar Rapids, to write the screenplay. And I want to know what the hell they are thinking because this is not a Dy-no-mite idea. I really hope that J.J. paints the studio the picture where they see how dumb this is.
Please Norman Lear protect your legacy and stop this project before it gets off the ground. You know if you don’t they will wind up casting Will Smith and his whole gang to star as the Evans family. I just shed a tear because I can actually see them doing that, can’t you?
So to get me through this tough news, I am going to watch Good Times on AntennaTV because that is where it is at it’s best…on TV.


I don’t totally want to throw pig’s blood on the Carrie remake
October 16th, 2012 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

The teaser trailer is out for the Carrie remake and it actually looks like it might do the original one justice. I just hope they don’t over CGI it because it was the ’70s special effects that made that flick so special!
So will I be there to see it when it comes out on March 15th? I’ll let you know when we see the full trailer.


Nigel Lythgoe wants to destroy Fame for TV
August 28th, 2012 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

Nigel Lythgoe has been doing reality TV since he came to The States, and now he going to try doing scripted television by remaking Fame according to Playbill. The 1980 movie was brought back to the big screen in 2009 and it bombed, but yet MGM thinks the 1982 series has a better chance of making it under his lead. Something that has proven not to work not once but twice before. Back in 1997 Fame LA aired for one whole season and then in 2003 NBC tried a reality version of it that lasted just one summer.
What bothers me about Nigel at the helm is I bet the show would be cast with American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance rejects. Yes they can sing and dance, but can they act. A big part of scripted television is acting and I am not sure a lot those contestants can do it. Plus he has an ego as big as his teeth and I think he will ruin a perfectly good bad show by thinking he can do something better with it and he won’t be able to. His ideas for improving shows like Idol and SYTYCD have actually made me give them up instead of watching them more often. I used to love SYTYCD and now every time I see a commercial for it, I cringe.


This kills me, ALF is coming to the big screen!
August 9th, 2012 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: 1 ]

Greetings earthlings, ALF is back and looks like he is coming to the big screen so hide your cats! According to The Hollywood Reporter the guy who brought The Smurfs to the big screen is working with the creators of ALF to do the same with the Alien Life Form. As happy I as I am about this news, I am sad that just like the little blue guys they want to make ALF computer animated. I hope they reconsider because what made the out-of-this-world sitcom so awesome was they way they brought him to life. He was so cute and huggable, and that is why everyone wanted a stuff animal of him. I don’t think we would get that same lovable feeling from a CGI version of Gordon Shumway.


Does Animal House the musical make you want to shout?
March 7th, 2012 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

Just like Saturday Night Fever, Footloose, Hairspray, The Producers, Lion King and Sister Act, Animal House is getting the musical treatment. According to The NY Times Universal Pictures Stage Productions is working on turning the classic movie into a stage musical. Not much is known about it because it is still in the works, but Barenaked Ladies is working on the score. Part of me is curious to see what they can do with it, but then the other part of me is like there is no way they can do the original justice because it is perfect the way it was. Plus I am so scared that when it eventually gets adapted to the big screen, they will wind up casting the overrated Seth Rogen in John Belushi’s role and he is no John Belushi.


Can someone go all Patrick Bateman on the American Psycho remake?
December 9th, 2011 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

Hey Hollywood it’s not hip to remake American Psycho because no one can come close to doing it as well as Christian Bale did. That and the movie is barely a decade old. But I guess Lionsgate is out of ideas because even though the film is was made in this century they hired a writer to redo it according to Variety.
Please Hollywood go all Patrick Bateman on this remake and kill it!


Where’s Waldo? He’s coming to the big screen
November 7th, 2011 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

Just when I think that Hollywood can’t come up with a more ludicrous ideas for movie, The Hollywood Reporter says that MGM has bought the rights to make Where’s Waldo?. Not much more is known, but the film will be a live action family adventure.
Oh and you don’t have to be smart enough to find Waldo to know this movie is going to be stupid.


Guy Ritchie set to destroy The Cannonball Run with the help of GM?
October 19th, 2011 under Stupid Sequels/Remakes. [ Comments: none ]

General Motors is thinking of getting into the movie business and they are thinking of starting by remaking the ’70s classic The Cannonball Run according to Vulture. But the news get worse because they want Guy Ritchie direct it and he wants Brad Pitt to be the new Burt Reynolds. Since I am still not over how Swept Away is one of the very worst movies ever made, I bet Madonna’s ex would want Seth Rogen to take over James Coco’s role. Can I tell you I just shed a tear thinking about everything I just typed.
All I have to say to this news, is that I am grateful and proud to drive a Toyota!

UPDATE: A spokesperson from General Motors Tweeted me this statement, “I’m a GM spokesman. This is baseless speculation/rumor. GM wouldn’t condone a project portraying reckless/drunken driving.” Sometimes you have to wonder where crazy rumors like this get their drive!!! At least this one was stopped before the road got too bumpy!!!


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