Senior Citizens are having sex like bunny rabbits and Jimmy Kimmel Live wanted to know what their secret is. Therefore, he sent one of his people out to the Farmer’s Market at the Grove to ask them why they are doing it more now than ever.
Believe it or not, they are rally are doing nasty. Some don’t remember how they did it and yet there was one guy who had it earlier in the day. That’s right, gramps is still getting it on, while we are not. Now I am depressed! You know what will make me laugh again? Watching their answers to what turns them on. So much different than us whipper snappers, thus we should learn from them. They have been doing it longer than us, so they can teach us a thing or two!
I just want to teach them a little something. Even though they cannot get pregnant, they can still get STDs. Thus, they need to use condoms! Sorry to be a buzz kill, but I did sex education for a while.
Now back to Seniors, take a moment and picture them having sex! Picture that Minuteman and Superman going at on the top and then the bottom. Or is it the other way around. Or imagine that woman who likes it tender, getting it rough! Or what about that 80-year-old woman and her 83-year-old boyfriend? Hot!
You know who is loving this news more than us? Viagra because their sales are up. Pun intended. Now we know why they are f*cking more than ever!
You know how Sandra Bullock goes by Sandy to her co-stars, does Richard Gere go by something shorter than his full name like Dick? Jimmy Kimmel investigated and the answer is no. Does he have a story like Matthew McConaughey? Nope. One day, when he was 18, he says, “I went to the refrigerator, pulled a beer out and said I am Richard.” That makes sense to him, but no one else.
Now you know if you ever see him walking the streets and you want to meet, call him Richard and only Richard.
For 3 decades, The Golden Girls has made generations of people extremely happy. Somehow Jimmy Kimmel Live found a way to make us fans cry. He had the cast of Girls do a parody of the beloved sitcom and now I hate everyone who was involved in it.
3 out of 4 Golden Girls hated it so much, they rolled over in their graves. That is why there were some Earthquakes reported yesterday. Word to wise, don’t Google where they are buried because two of them were cremated, but you know what I meant.
Yesterday on Jimmy Kimmel Live, the ABC late night host asked Shaq if he really believes the world is flat. The legendary basketball player told him he was joking about that. I mean at his height, he can see the curvature of the planet.
Then Kimmel wanted to know if Shaquille O’Neal believes in things like Bigfoot. You know, since he is the same size as one. Is he one? That is when Shaq revealed that one time a friend of his took a photo of the giant during a Seattle snow storm and now he isn’t sure after seeing that picture because he looked like one. Therefore, Bigfoot is real and his name is Shaquatch.
Seriously, I don’t know why all of those Bigfoot hunters keep going to remote areas to find the mythical creature, when all they have to do is go to Orlando and knock on Shaq’s door. Forget Finding Bigfoot, he has been found.
Matthew Perry is on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight and he shared a story about the time he beat up Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Wait what? At the time Trudeau wasn’t the PM, his father was. You see, Perry was in 5th grade and went to school with the young Trudeau. The Friends’ star and his friend, who wasn’t Joey, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe or Monica, were jealous of Justin for some reason, so they gave him a beat down because boys will be boys. Perry is not proud of his past, but it happened. Since it did he got to share that story over 35 years later on a late night talk show.
Hopefully Trudeau won’t see this because if he does, he might ban Perry from Canada for life. He can do that right?