Seriously? OMG! WTF? » Sports figures
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Tom Brady has had way too much time on his hands!
October 21st, 2016 under Sports figures. [ Comments: none ]

Tom Brady hasn’t been playing football because he was suspended due to Inflagate. What has been doing during his suspension? He went on vacation with his wife Gisele Bundchen and ate candy.
The way he is eating that UnReal candy bar makes me think he needs to give up that weird Vegan diet and eat as much candy as he desires. Because that almost looked like p0rn to me.


The one company that wants Ryan Lochte as their spokesman
August 24th, 2016 under Sex Toys, Sports figures. [ Comments: none ]

Ever since Ryan Lochte was caught liar, liar Speedo on fire, he has been dropped by several of his sponsors like Speedo and Gentle Hair Removal. Yesterday, a company made him a $10,000 offer and I hope he accepts it.
Autoblow 2 wants him to pose with their first robotic male masturbation device that simulates a blowjob and say, “Autoblow 2: the masturbation device Olympic champions chose.” I think they need to add, “And that is no lie.”
Back to him and the Autoblow 2. If he had one Rio, then he would’ve stayed in, not got drunk, allegedly destroyed a bathroom and told his mom he was robbed at gunpoint. Had none of the latter happened, he would still be a respected Olympian and not this Olympic’s joke.
What does he have to lose if he takes this offer? His career is already swimming with the sharks. So do it with Autoblow 2!


Warren Sapp gets tackled by a shark
July 28th, 2016 under Sports figures. [ Comments: none ]

Warren Sapp and I went to University of Miami and they prepared us for the elements of Florida with classes like Underwater Basket Weaving. But one thing they didn’t prepare us for was shark attacks.
Yesterday, when the Dancing with the Stars former competitor went lobstering with Two Conchs Charters, he Tangoed with a shark and the shark pulverized his arm like he was running towards the end zone with the game winning ball at the Super Bowl. The Defensive tackle didn’t let the huge chunk missing from his arm get him down, because they caught more lobsters than Red Lobster can serve during a dinner service.
In fact, thanks to his nurse, he is ready to enjoy another day in the gorgeous Florida Keys waters! Just hopefully this time he will put on some shark repellent so he doesn’t become shark bait again.


University of Michigan’s Wolverines become The Lion King!
July 8th, 2016 under Sports figures. [ Comments: none ]

It is that time of year, when the graduating football players leave and the new ones join the team. You can say it is the Circle of Life, so it would make sense that University of Michigan’s Wolverine would use it as a ritual to welcome the newbies. Or just have some fun!
Here’s the video that Quarterback John O’Korn shared of them lifting the little guy who will someday grow to be their King. Watching it will make you as happy as singing Hakuna Matata.


Joey Chestnut breaks his own record at Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest!
July 4th, 2016 under Sports figures. [ Comments: none ]

It is that time of year, when I find out what channel ESPN is on on my cable system. That’s because today is the annual Fourth of July Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest and it is what being American is all about. Each year 20 people try to down as many hot dogs as they can in 10 minutes and keep them down.
From 2007-2014, Joey Chestnut held that title and continued to break his own records. Then last year, Matt Stonie, who lives in the same town as him, beat him.
This year both men were back to battle it out and there could only be one winner. I guess last year’s loss really lit a fire in Chestnut’s belly because Stonie never stood a chance. Not only did Chestnut destroy his opponent by 17 wieners, he also beat his own record. He gobbled down 70 dogs in 10 minutes and I will not eat another one until July 3rd.
I don’t know how they do it. I can’t eat 70 of anything in 10 minutes and they do it like it is nothing. Thankfully these competitive eaters know how to do it because I love watching them every year.
But then again, I am still hoping for another contestant to throw up on live TV again. That was an awesome moment in television history.
I think that next year they should add another part to the challenge. After the 10 minutes are up, all the contestants need to ride the Cyclone at Coney Island. Whoever ate the most hot dogs and kept them down, is the winner. So it is a two part contest that will be both exciting and disgusting at the same time. Because you know as soon as one person loses his hot dogs, the rest will follow. How glorious would that be?


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